Whispers
by rockbandstar
Summary: Bella's life is changing, her mother is dead, her father is drinking, and she is on the run from a dark figure known as James. When life is confusing enough, will Bella be able to tell the difference between what's real and what isn't when it comes time?
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

_Running the race like a mouse in a cage  
Getting nowhere but I'm trying; Forging ahead  
But I'm stuck in the bed that I made so I'm lying  
But if you keep real close yeah, you stay real close  
I will reach you  
I'm down to a whisper in a daydream on a hill  
Shut down to a whisper can you hear me still?  
Eager to please, trying to be what they need  
But I'm so very tired I've stopped trying to find  
Any peace in my mind because it tangles the wires  
Whisper- A Fine Frenzy  
_

For a moment I stood still, too stunned to move. He was here, he found me.

My feet began to move, pounding against the pavement, driving me forward. I could hear the footsteps behind me chasing me, gaining on me. My heart pounded in my ears as my eyes fought to adjust to the darkness around me.

The air was silent, still and unnerving.

I swerved to the left, jumping over the steps and pulling the large door open. The auditorium was dark, the only light filtering in through the small windows near the ceiling. My breathing came out in gasps as tears trickled down my cheeks.

I dug in my pocket, pulling out my cell phone and pressing the one button silently praying for someone to answer. The click of the far door startled me and I cursed silently under my breath.

It was too late.

Hunkered in the corner I clenched my eyes shut, fists pressing into the tender skin. I could feel the fear prickle through my body, the hair on my neck standing.

"Bella," he called tauntingly through the room. "Come out; come out, wherever you are."

The bricks of the wall scrapped against my back the pain only reminding me of how real this moment actually was. My thoughts raced, each whisper rising to a crescendo and blinding me with their intensity. Suddenly they were screaming of blame, of regret, of despair. I struggled to contain them within me, to stay silent.

A single voice broke through the silence, speaking so softly for a moment I wasn't sure that I had actually heard it.

"Bella?" it called to me.

I opened my eyes and raised my head, looking around for the voice that was calling to me, beckoning me, but all I could see were streaks and blurs. My eyes squinted trying to focus on the object in front of me.

The voice spoke again, softly saying my name.

It took only a moment for me to process what the small black blob was and to recognize the voice emanating from it.

"Edward?" I whispered, my eyes scanning the darkness around me.

A sickening chuckle came from somewhere in front of me and I gasped in fear, the phone all but forgotten.

For a moment I was frozen in fear, and then I forced myself to stand and face him.

"Well this is certainly an interesting turn of events," he sneered.

Pressing my back against the bricks behind me, I steeled myself.

I wasn't going down without a fight.

**Chapter one should be up sometime this week!**

**N**


	2. Alone

**Chapter 1- Alone**

_**Alone with Everybody (Charles Bukowski)  
**__The flesh covers the bone and they put a mind in there and sometimes a soul,  
and the women break vases against the walls and the men drink too much  
and nobody finds the one but keep looking crawling in and out of beds,  
flesh covers the bone and the flesh searches for more than flesh  
there's no chance at all: we are all trapped by a singular fate.  
Nobody ever finds the one.  
the city dumps fill  
the junkyards fill  
the madhouses fill  
the hospitals fill  
the graveyards fill  
nothing else fills_

--

"I haven't always been afraid."

I stood under the shower letting the steaming hot water clear the cobwebs out of my head. "I haven't always been afraid." I repeated the mantra once again, pushing my head under the water to drown out the noise, to drown out the day.

"_BELLA."_ The man growled and I opened my eyes, letting the hot water burn them.

"James?" I asked the word coming out in a pant. I quickly rinsed the conditioner out of my hair before stepping out of the shower. Wrapping the towel around my body I checked the door to make sure that it was locked. If James was in a bad mood, that would be the only thing to stop him.

'_Keep telling yourself that.'_

The voice in my head mocked me with my insignificance. If he wanted in here, he would find a way in here. Drying off quickly I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. It wouldn't do any good to rush out of the room, if he was aggravated it would only make things worse.

Placing my shaking hand on the door, I stood for a moment forcing myself to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill over.

'_You're so weak.'_

I couldn't argue there. I clicked open the lock looking around my empty bedroom in fear. It seemed like the coast was clear but you could never really be sure. Holding my breath, I listened to the quiet around me. I could hear Charlie's television blaring from the other room and my shoulders slumped in relief. If Charlie was home than I was safe, wasn't I?

I grabbed the clothes off of my bed, throwing on my favorite pair of jeans and a baggy sweatshirt. The weather outside was cold and the familiar clothes brought a comfort and warmth I knew I wouldn't be finding outside. Rubbing the towel through my damp hair, I squeezed the moisture out as my eyes focused on the ledge of my window.

The jagged nails where I had hammered the window shut still jutted out of the frame at awkward angles. I knew that I would eventually have to explain the mess to Charlie, explain why I was afraid for my window to be open. I wasn't really ready to do that yet.

Grabbing my book bag I cautiously made my way to the door, flipping the lock before opening the door and peaking out into the hallway. The coast seemed to be clear so I took a chance and ran for the door.

"Bella," Charlie called as I ran past the living room. Cursing under my breath I stopped and turned around looking at my father as he sat on the couch watching television. It was seven in the morning and he was already nursing his second beer. Maybe everything that happened with mom had more of an effect on him than I realized? "I know it's your first day of school, but everything is going to be fine."

I nodded my head, unsure of what to say. Charlie seemed to take that as acceptance of his little pep-talk because he turned back to whatever he was watching before. I made my way to the front door and looked out the peephole checking the lawn.

It looked empty.

'_That's because it is empty, moron.'_

Unlocking the door I traipsed down the steps, checking the back of my truck and looking in the cab before I actually opened it. Checking over my shoulder once more, I slid into the vehicle locking the door behind me and sighing at the safe, comfortable space that was all mine.

Turning the keys I smiled at the loud rumble of the truck and looked behind me before backing out. The town was small enough that I had driven past the school when I had arrived so I had a general idea of where I was going. It only took me a few minutes to find the building and to pull into a free parking spot.

There were a few students mingling around in the courtyard, a few getting items out of their cars, and a few more making their way into the buildings most likely heading towards their classes. I took a minute to scan the faces, sighing in relief when I realized that I didn't recognize anyone here.

'_That means that no one will recognize you.'_

Closing my eyes I took a deep breath, psyching myself up before disengaging the lock and opening my door. A cold gust of wind whipped past me and took my breath away for a moment causing a panic to swirl in my chest.

It was cold here, really fucking cold.

Locking and closing my door I quickly made my way up the path and into the building, following the signs to the administrator's office. As it was my first day I would have to get a schedule and a locker assignment. They would also, most likely, have a student show me around. It was something I dreaded every time I moved and this time wasn't any different.

The secretary, a scraggly old woman whose nameplate called her Mrs. Cope, sat at the desk with stacks of paper surrounding her. I stood for a moment watching her sort the files before clearing my throat and startling the poor woman so bad she knocked two of the damn stacks over.

She looked up at me with a mixture of curiosity and loathing and I could feel the tell tale blush creeping up my cheeks. "Can I help you with something?" she questioned me, her voice was gravelly and I wondered briefly what could cause someone's voice to sound like that.

"I'm Bella Swan," I muttered, "I was supposed to pick up my schedule and locker assignment."

She glanced down at something on her desk, squinting at it for a moment before nodding her head and holding two sheets of paper out towards me. Taking them I scanned through the class list not at all thrilled with most of the classes I would be taking.

Looks like I would be repeating AP Biology, had they not looked over my transcript at all? Instead of questioning her I shrugged my shoulders and muttered a quick, "thanks."

As I stepped out of the office I was surprisingly pleased to find no one waiting to escort me around. I looked down at the schedule, complete with map, and realized how easy it was going to be to find my way. The school was very small, almost tiny in comparison to the one I had gone to in Phoenix. I would easily be able to manage.

'_You say that like it's a good thing?'_

First period was history and I looked at the sheet for a moment, memorizing the room number. Heading down 'corridor B' I focused my eyes on the room numbers watching as they got larger and larger.

'_You're going to be late, Bella.'_

I opened the door, stopping when everyone in the class turned to look at me. The teacher pointed to an empty desk, which I quickly sat down in, before immediately jumping back into his lecture. It looked like I wouldn't have to introduce myself either. Well, that was a major relief.

Relaxing back into my chair I looked around the room, noticing several sets of eyes trained on me. It made the hair on the back of my neck stand up and I really didn't like the feeling.

'_That's the thing with small towns. Everyone is nosy and wants to know everything.'_

Forcing my thoughts away from the gossipmongers I picked up my pen and copied the notes from the board. It looked like we were going to be studying American and European history. Something I had already learned in an AP History class I took when we lived in San Francisco.

'_At least it will be an easy A. Keep Charlie off your back and unaware.'_

Flipping to the next page in my notebook, I leaned forward letting my hair shield my face and the blank page below me. Closing my eyes for a moment I let my thoughts pulse around in my head and then I began to write.

_Day five- Forks Washington_

_There has been little or no sign of James yet. I can't help but want to let my guard down and relax but I know that relaxing is the worst thing I could possibly do. The other night, while Charlie was out, I nailed my bedroom window shut. While it doesn't look the greatest I can't help but sleep a little better at night knowing that at least I have tried some form of deterrence to him accessing my bedroom, however useless it may prove to be. I have decided to keep the truck, knowing that I know that no matter what he will eventually find me. It's all I have left of her, all that I can cling to, no matter how much easier it makes it for him._

_She would have loved it here; the quaint and hominess of it all. There's something to be said for…_

The teacher clears his throat announcing that the rest of the period is free. I look up, startled. For a moment I have forgotten where I am. People are milling about, chatting about their weekends. I pull my schedule out, my eyes scanning the few seats around me.

A tiny brunette girl is sitting to my right and as I glance at her out of the corner of my eye I see that she is staring at me with a curious expression on her face. In front of her there is a boy with blond hair and my mind instantly flashes…for a moment I feel panic rise up in my chest. Then he turns to the girl and I get a good look at his face. Relief floods through my body and I can't help but sigh.

'_Did you really think he would make it that easy?'_

I instantly feel stupid. Suddenly I hear the girl next to me clear her throat.

"Hi, I'm Alice and this is my boyfriend Jasper."

"Bella," I reply softly noticing a few other people's eyes on our interaction. I can't help but feel paranoid and my eyes dart around before focusing back on Alice.

"You're new here right?" Alice questions. It's then that I notice how unstill she is. She moves and shifts, her leg wobbling up and down. For a moment it almost looks like her skin is rippling and then Jasper lays a hand on her knee and it stills.

"Yep," I reply softly, "I just moved here with my father a few days ago."

'_He's at home, throwing back beers, watching sports, and thinking about his dead wife.'_

"Well, welcome to town," Jasper replies and I am struck by the lilt of his voice. He has a slight southern twang that makes me think about life when I lived in Texas; which instantly makes me think of my mother. Instead of responding I nod my head and force a small smile.

'_Don't think about her. Just don't.'_

It seems like forever since I have had to interact with people my own age and I am surprised that I haven't forgotten how to. Someone calls Jasper's name and he looks at Alice for a moment before rising and joining a small group towards the back.

"So if you moved here with your father, where is your mother?" Alice seems to be the type of person who speaks what she thinks, so I'm surprisingly not offended by the question.

"She passed away."

'_Blood, there was so much blood. Blood on the walls, blood on the floor. Stains, everywhere, bright red stains.'_

The bell rings and I grab my notebook, shoving it into my book bag grateful for the distraction. As much as I appreciate Alice talking to me, I'm not sure if I am completely ready to talk about Mom. As I look at the map of the school trying to figure out where my next class is, I realize that Alice is standing beside my desk. Instead of saying anything she places her hand on my shoulder for a moment.

It's surprisingly comforting and warm.

'_I'm not worth it.'_

I turn to look at her and notice Jasper standing in the doorway waiting for her. Alice nods her head at him and he seems to acknowledge it because a moment later the doorway is empty.

"How about I walk you to your next class, Bella?"

As we walk through the hallway, Alice blabbers on about the teachers and students. It's nice to have a distraction but I still find my eyes scanning the hallways for anything familiar.

'_It's a new place, which means new people. No one knows you here, B.'_

As we reach the doorway Alice does a flourish with her hands and announces loudly "TADA." For some odd reason I can't help but to actually smile at that and her face lights up when she sees it. "So you definitely need to eat lunch at my table. I see that you have economy right before lunch," her nose scrunches up in distaste, "so either Jazz or I will be waiting outside when the class gets over, ok?"

Before I can respond she smiles and claps her hands accepting no response as acceptance. "Great, see you then." Moments later she disappears down the hallway and I am left standing alone.

'_But you are never truly alone are you?'_

_-_

**A few quick notes:**

**I'm not quite sure what my update schedule for this story is going to look like. I'm going to try and update as often as possible for you!**

**I'm looking for song/poem suggestions... if you have a favorite poem or song send it my way.... I may just use it!**

**I'd like to thank all of you who have added this to your alerts, favorites, or written a review. This story is a bit different for me and I appreciate the support while trying something different!**

**Thanks to my beta Bri who helps me when I am stuck, tells me that my writing doesn't suck, pushes me to write more, and lets me bitch about my horrible job. (And for spending an hour on the phone with me, letting me bitch, and teaching me the"proper" way to make instant potatoes. You're such a dork but that's what makes it so great!)**

**N**


	3. Closer

**Chapter 2- Closer**

_**Windigo (Louise Erdrich)**_

_You knew I was coming for you, little one,_

_when the kettle jumped into the fire._

_Towels flapped on the hooks,_

_and the dog crept off, groaning,_

_to the deepest part of the woods._

_In the hackles of dry brush a thin laughter started up._

_Mother scolded the food warm and smooth in the pot_

_and called you to eat._

_But I spoke in the cold trees:_

_New one, I have come for you, child hide and lie still._

**--**

_The room was cold and dark as night. She shivered, not from a chill but from pure horror. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up and she realized she wasn't alone. Feeling overwhelmed the world swam around her and the next thing she knew, she fainted._

_Coming to, laying on a small cream couch, Bella looked around. The room was beautiful, decorated immaculately, but her fear still lingered. She could feel her heart in her throat, blocking out the scream that was trembling on her lips. Her body was taut, muscles springing into action and Bella knew without a doubt that she was in trouble._

_Standing carefully, she scoped out the area, a mirror on the wall transfixing her. The blood on her forehead glistened in the light and the bump beneath it made her skin crawl. Resting her hand against the wall to support herself, she turned around._

_He was there, watching her. Frozen in fear, it only took her a moment to process this._

_And then she ran._

"Bella," the voice was foggy but urgent. Opening my eyes I looked up, surprised to find Jasper looking at me concerned. "Are you alright? I think you were having a bad dream."

I look at the empty desks around me and Jasper seems to understand. "I was waiting outside for you, when you didn't come out I came in."

"I'm fine," and then quietly to myself, "it was just a bad dream."

'_Always making things difficult for everyone else, aren't we?'_

"Are you ready to head to lunch then?" he looks concerned and I flash him a fake smile and nod my head. He seems to accept the gesture and politely changes the conversation. "So, Bella, where exactly did you move here from?"

I'm not sure how to explain that I haven't really lived anywhere for any surmountable period of time, so instead I pick the most recent. "We moved here from Colorado."

"That's cool. I think that would be a fun place to live with the skiing and snowboarding."

"Uh huh, it was great."

'_Liar, you're such a fucking liar. You spent your entire time huddled up in a cabin in the mountains.'_

As we make our way through the surprisingly short lunch line, I notice a few other people sitting at the lunch table with Alice. They all seem to be deep in conversation and it gives me the opportunity to watch them for a moment. They seem so comfortable around each other, as if they have known each other for several years, and I wonder momentarily how they will feel about a new addition. It makes me nervous.

'_They already have the perfect group, why would you want to interfere?'_

Seconds later I find myself sitting next to Alice. She begins to chair wiggle again, the small table vibrating with her movements. She points to the three people (other than her and Jasper) that are sitting at the table with us. As she does so she tells me something about them, almost meticulously as if this is an assignment that she needs to Ace.

"Rose," she points to a beautiful blonde whom is sitting across the table from me, "loves mechanics and working on cars, likes to shop, is dating Emmett."

"Emmett," this time she points at a large bulking man next to Rose. Before I can even begin to feel scared by his sheer mass she continues to sprout details. "Likes to hunt, play Guitar Hero and Rockband, is far less intimidating than he looks."

There is a small chuckle from next to Emmett and Alice looks at the man beside him, her smile growing. "Edward," there is a slight eye roll and a bit more dramatic flair that I can't help but smile at as she points. "Plays guitar and piano, writes his own music, takes a ton of AP classes, and if I am not mistaken is your new biology lab partner."

'_Just remember don't ever get too attached.'_

"Nice to meet you all," I nod slightly before taking a bite out of my apple and looking around the room. My brain seems to register all of the exits in the room (and which ones are closest), before I scan through the crowd. A quiet seems to fall over the table and I look at Alice who seems to be looking at me strangely.

'_Maybe you have something on your face?'_

"Yes, Alice, did you need something?" I hear a few chuckles but Alice seems to brush them off so I continue to focus on her.

"I asked you a question, Bella."

'_Way to alienate yourself more by not paying attention.'_

"I'm sorry," I feel guilty for not being more respectful to the one person who has shown me any type of kindness.

"I just asked if you wanted to hang out after school."

I think of Charlie at home, probably passed out from the booze, and I think of the tiny little room that feels more like a prison than the haven it should be.

"I would love to hang out."

A smile, a squeal, and a few claps later I wonder exactly what it is that I have agreed to that would make her so happy. Her excitement distracts me, so much so that I have forgotten to check behind me.

'_Which is really one of the most important things to remember, you know.'_

"_BELLA,"_ I jump and jerk around my eyes scanning the crowd of people who seem to be lounging at the table behind me. My reaction must seem strange because I see the concerned look on both Alice and Edward's face.

"Is everything alright, Bella?" Alice's voice sounds concerned and as I turn to look at her I realize just how badly I am shaking.

'_Play it cool, make something up.'_

"I'm fine," I lie, "I was so preoccupied watching your little happy dance that I thought I heard someone call my name. Obviously I must be jumpy today." I let out a fake laugh that would barely pass as real. They seem to buy it and once again I am struck by exactly how little everyone knows about me here.

'_It makes the hiding easier.'_

I spent most of the rest of lunch in a blur, not really paying attention to much of anything. As the bell rang Alice's words from earlier rang in my head and I turned to find Edward standing and waiting for me.

"Since we are both headed to Bio I thought we could walk together." I can't help but smile at the gesture a bit relieved to have a 'buffer' in the hallways.

'_Just don't let him see you two together that would not go over well.'_

I push the thought from my head and smile as Edward picks up his backpack and points in the direction we need to head.

"So how do you like Forks so far?"

I smile at the question and shrug my shoulders, "It seems like a nice place to live. I love how quaint and quiet the town is. It's so much different to where we last lived which is a plus. Everyone seems to be fairly nice and by everyone I mean Alice and you guys."

He lets out a hearty laugh and I find myself blushing as I notice the way he throws his head back. "It's kind of boring here, though." He shrugs his shoulders before continuing, "There really isn't much to do unless you head to one of the bigger cities, like Port Angeles."

"I suppose that would get tiring after awhile."

"We find other ways to amuse ourselves," he smiles and for a moment my breath is taken away by the sheer perfection and crookedness of it.

'_Breathe, Bella, you have to remember to breathe.'_

"With the group you hang out with, I have absolutely no doubt about that."

We make our way into the biology room and I immediately notice the facilities are miniscule in comparison to my previous school.

"So you didn't say," Edward mumbles as he leads me to an empty table and motions for me to sit down, "where exactly did you move here from?"

"Chicago," I reply immediately thinking of the huge school I used to attend. It only takes me a moment to realize I had told Jasper that I had lived in Colorado. I scramble to recover and find myself telling Edward more of the truth than I probably should. "I've actually moved around a lot these past few years. We lived in California for awhile, then Arizona, then Texas, before we moved to Minneapolis, then Chicago, and lastly Colorado. After awhile the places all start to blur together. After my mom died it got harder to find a stable place to stay for any long period of time."

'_Why don't you just write him a book of all the fucking places you have been?'_

Instead of questioning me, like anyone else would, he sits for a moment and processes. "I'm so sorry to hear about your mother that must have been hard. Was it unexpected?"

'_You could say that.'_

"Yes," I reply my eyes tearing at the thought of her and I turned my head wiping a stray tear on my cheek. "I'm sorry," I mutter embarrassed by the show of emotion, "it's just hard to talk about her still."

He looks at me and for a moment there is something there, swimming in the depths of his eyes. Then suddenly it is gone. "Thanks for telling me," he whispers as the teacher clears his throat and begins to write notes out on the overhead projector.

I smile softly and nod my head, letting him know that I appreciated talking about it, however brief. I look up at the sketches and notes jotted on the board and sigh in irritation. Looks like I would be relearning mitosis and meiosis.

'_Joy.'_

As I scanned the rest of the items I was happy to see a few new subjects pop up. I would probably have to work at learning them, but it was at least something to do to keep me occupied.

'_Busy work to keep the mind busy.'_

I looked over at Edward's notebook; surprised to see that he already had the notes copied and was doodling in the margins of the paper. The intricate design of swirls and scribbles was quite stunning and I found myself watching his fingers as he looped the pen back and forth.

"You're not paying attention," he whispered, a small smile on his face as he glanced at me out of the corner of his eye.

"Because the material is so interesting," I replied sarcastically, blushing at the fact that I was busted watching him. I distract myself from further inspection by pulling out my notebook and flipping to the last page I had written on.

_She would have loved it here; the quaint and hominess of it all. There's something to be said for…_

Instead of finishing the thought I mark a new entry and peek out of the corner of my eye. Edward seems occupied with his doodles so I lean over the page and begin to write.

_Day Five- Forks Washington: Continued_

_I've traveled quite a bit these past few years and in doing so have been able to keep myself fairly separate from the people around me. This place seems different though, safer, and I have found myself being welcomed into a small group of friends. I've already slipped up once and shared more than I should have with one of the boys, I need to be careful not to let my guard down again. There are things in my life that they can never know about, that they would never understand. It is my burden to carry, and mine alone._

_I fell asleep in class today and dreamed of James again. It seemed so real almost as if it was a shadow of a memory and I can't seem to shake off the fear it has brought me. I was bleeding from the head and trapped in a house with him. In the end, I was afraid and I ran, I'm always running._

_Since the moment I was awoken by Jasper I have felt on edge; nervous and weary of the day. At lunch I was startled when I heard someone call my name. It sounded like him and it was close, closer than I am comfortable with and it startled me. It's almost like my body is warning me, that it knows he is getting closer. Each moment, each day, brings him closer and there is nothing I can do about it._

I can feel someone watching me, feel the eyes on me. The hair on the back of my neck stands up and a shudder rushes through my body. I look at Edward and find that his notes have grown in length and that he is still preoccupied with his doodling. My eyes scan the classroom around me, unable to find the source of my unease; I don't like feeling so exposed.

Closing my notebook I watch the hand on the clock slowly move. Each tick resonates through my body and only seems to make me more aware of everything around me. Seconds feel like hours and minutes feel like days.

It isn't until the last bell rings and I find myself sitting in the safety of my truck that I can truly breathe again.

* * *

**A few quick notes:**

**I know it's been a little while since I have updated but school has officially started back up and I am getting back in the swing of working, taking college courses, writing and having "me" time. I'm hoping to update once or twice a week... basically as often as possible for you!**

**I'm looking for song/poem suggestions... if you have a favorite poem or song send it my way.... I may just use it!**

**I'd like to thank all of you who have added this to your alerts, favorites, or written a review. This story is a bit different for me and I appreciate the support while trying something different! I know that there are a lot of questions yet to be answered... but all will be revealed in time!**

**Thanks to my beta Bri who looks over the chapters and gives them her seal of approval and who helps to keep me sane when the power goes out (stupid ice storms) and all there is to do is stare at the walls. Thanks for that B!**

**N**


	4. Sundown

**Chapter 3- Sundown**

_Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding  
Fall into your sunlight  
The future's open wide beyond believing  
To know why hope dies  
Losing what was found, a world so hollow  
Suspended in a compromise  
The silence of this sound is soon to follow  
Somehow sundown  
Shattered- Trading Yesterday_

--

I spend the short drive home entrapped in my thoughts. It's not easy moving from place to place and up until now it hasn't really bothered me too much. I've learned that if you keep your head down and your thoughts to yourself you are less likely to be noticed or remembered.

'_But you were noticed today weren't you? You just had to open your big trap.'_

Even though I know it is wrong, I can't help but feel a small sense of excitement that I may have made some new friends. It's been years since I have felt able to confide in anyone and the fact that I was able to do so in one day says quite a bit.

The yard looks empty and I glance at the front door, surprised to see the living room curtains closed. Either Charlie is really drunk or the sunlight is glaring off of the television. Grabbing my book bag out of the passenger seat, I lock my truck before sprinting up to the door and quickly closing and locking it behind me.

The house is silent.

'_That's some bad news, there; some real bad news.'_

The living room is empty and dark and the coffee table is surprisingly clean of bottles or garbage. It feels foreign to me and I wonder if I need to check outside to make sure that I entered the right house. Instead I make my way down the hallway and into my room, closing and locking my door behind me.

'_It's so fucking quiet you could hear a pin drop.'_

I throw my book bag onto my bed and look at the window watching the curtain flutter in the breeze. For a minute I don't understand why this seems odd to me and then I see the small pile of nails lying on the floor in front of it.

I want to fucking scream.

My room is suddenly filled with places that someone could hide and I am terrified of being inside it. I stay away from the bed and the closet and edge my back against the wall.

'_Stay calm, take a deep breath. Think this out. Breathe."_

I don't feel safe in this room, but then again at this point there is little to nowhere in this house that I will feel safe. It's him, I know it's him, and the terror that seizes me is so strong that I can feel the bile rising in my throat.

It's then that I hear the pounding.

There is nowhere for me to go, nowhere for me to hide and I curl up in the corner against the door and watch the curtain flap in the breeze. The pounding eventually stops and the light coming in through the window gets darker.

'_It's getting late, you need to find cover.'_

I force myself to rise from my bed and open the middle drawer of my dresser, pulling out the hammer I have hidden. I pick up the bent and curved nails and force them back into the woodwork, the pounding noise resonating through the room.

"Bella," Charlie slurs, "what are you doing in there?"

Once the window is secure I open the door and look out at the empty hallway. I can hear the television from the other room, Charlie is watching baseball. I make my way out of my room and down the hall, finding him in his lounger beer in hand.

"What were you doing in there?"

"I thought I saw a mouse," I lie "I think it went under my bed."

He grunts and rises making his way down the hall, grabbing a baseball bat from the closet on his way. I watch as he lifts up the comforter his eyes scanning the empty expanse beneath my bed.

"There is nothing under here, Bells."

"Maybe in the closet?" I question. He sighs but opens the door and flips on the light showing me the empty space. Shaking his head, he makes his way back down the hall and I close and lock the door behind him.

'_At least you know that your room is safe.'_

'_For now.'_

The buzz of the television from the other room is familiar and comforting and I find myself curling up in bed with my homework. It doesn't take me long to finish and I find myself staring at the walls, my imagination in overdrive.

'_What if this was just a test-run to see if he could get in?'_

I huddle with my pillow, my eyes on the closed window.

_Hush-a-bye, don't you cry,  
Go to sleepy you little baby.  
When you wake, you shall have cake,  
And all the pretty little horses._

_The rain had been falling for days and they had been stuck indoors. The roads of the small town they were currently living in were flooded and they were telling everyone to stay home. She was so scared of the thunder and the lightening, each flash lighting up the small space in her room._

"_It's alright my dear," her mother told her as she held her in bed. "It's just a little rain." She had pulled out a book about princesses and fairytales and begged her mother to read it to her. "Not tonight, dearie, momma's tired."_

_Blacks and bays, dapples and greys,  
Go to sleepy little baby,  
Hush-a-bye, don't you cry  
Go to sleepy little baby,  
When you wake, you shall have,  
All the pretty little horses._

_They had been moving a lot. Her father would constantly ask her mother why they would need to move and she would look at him and scowl. He seemed to know better than to question her and just sighed and nodded his head. It wasn't hard to find work as a police officer and he knew it was better to go along with her than to fight her on it._

"_Mommy," she cried as her belongings were placed in the back of the car. "I don't want to move again. I have friends here. People I care about."_

"_Family is all you should care about," her mother snapped, "I can feel him getting closer baby. We're moving for you, I need you to be safe."_

"_I don't want to be safe if it means I can never have friends," the girl cried._

"_NEVER SAY THAT," her mother screamed. "Don't you dare say that!"_

_Way down yonder, down in the meadow,  
There's a poor wee little lamby  
The bees and the butterflies pickin' at its eyes,  
The poor wee thing cried for her mammy._

_Her day at school had been long and the bus ride even longer because of the rain. People in town were mean to her and they said things about her family, things that weren't true. The children all pointed and stared. They called her a freak._

_She pushed open the living room door, the tears ready to fall from her eyelids. "Momma," she called. The house was unusually quiet and she made her way around calling out for her mother. It wasn't until she was on the second floor that she spotted the blood; drip, drip, dripping down the walls._

_A scream bubbled in her throat as she pushed her parent's bedroom door open. Her mother lay on the bed in a puddle of blood. Running to her, she shook her mother trying to wake her up. As the tears fell down her face she looked at the steady lines of cuts on her mother's arms. It didn't take long for her to realize it was too late._

_There was a single piece of paper on the bed next to her, the words smeared in blood;_

_Hush-a-bye, don't you cry,  
Go to sleepy little baby.  
When you wake, you shall have cake,  
And all the pretty little horses._

I woke to a loud crash, my cheeks damp with tears and my pillow soaked below me. I looked around the room, startled to find that nothing was out of place and then sat deadly still listening to see if I could hear the noise again. Another boom filled the sky and my window lit up alerting me to the fact that it was storming outside.

'_You know what happens when it rains…'_

I took a deep calming breath and looked at the clock on my nightstand. It was only three in the morning and I had several hours before I was supposed to be at school. Reaching into the nightstand drawer I pulled out a small picture and flipped on my bedside lamp. The woman looking back at me was beautiful in so many ways and it made my heart ache.

'_You'll never get to see her again.'_

I traced the rounded face of my mother and let out a gentle sob. There were so many times I needed my mother, so many times I wished she were around. I was the only one who really knew what happened to her despite what the police thought.

There was no way she would have done that to herself.

'_You weren't there, were you?'_

I placed the picture back in my drawer and sighed at the sadness that overwhelmed me. Lying back against my pillow I watched the light from my lamp throw shadows across the room. Another loud boom shattered through the sky and I looked at my window watching it light up.

I didn't expect to see the figure standing just outside it.

A scream bubbled from my lips and I find myself ripping my bedroom door open, locking myself in the bathroom across the hall. I can hear the sound of Charlie on the stairs, his voice panicked as he runs down the hallway.

"BELLA?"

"Daddy," I yell from the bathroom, my sobs escaping through my lips, "someone was outside my window."

He lets out a string of curses and I hear him dressing up to go outdoors. I want to beg him to stay inside where it is safe, I want to beg him to lock himself in the bathroom with me but the words won't form on my lips. I can hear the front door open and then slam close.

All that is left is silence.

'_It was him. It was him.'_

I'm not sure how long he is outside for but he comes back in and calls out to me that it's safe. I open the door to the bathroom and look at him as he unloads his dripping wet clothing.

"There wasn't anyone out there, Bells."

'_He doesn't believe you. No one will ever believe you."_

"I saw him."

My father looks at me for a moment and I can see the questions in his eyes.

'_I'm not crazy.'_

"You believe me don't you daddy?"

He lets out a sigh and plops his rain boots off to the side to dry. "I didn't see any footprints, but with the way the rain was coming down they could have been washed out." He pauses for a moment, as if choosing his words carefully. "Did you see his face, baby?"

I can feel the tears of frustration bubbling to the surface and I shake my head no. He sighs and nods his head, accepting what I have told him. Instead of going upstairs he sets himself in the living room, in his lounger, and flips on the television.

I curl up on the couch and watch the images flash across the screen. Charlie's presence seems to put me at ease and I feel myself relax into the cushion.

'_He's getting braver.'_

Instead of drifting back to sleep I take the time to study my father. His face is skinnier and there is a distinct amount of gray lining his mustache. There are bags under his eyes and a few bottles littering the floor around his lounger. He has had and long night and he had probably just gone to bed shortly before I woke him up.

I feel guilty.

'_You should. You won't always be able to depend on Charlie you know?'_

"I'm sorry I woke you up."

Instead of a response I hear the gentle buzz of his snore and hunker deeper into the cushions that surround me. I know that Charlie is here and while he can only do so much to protect me, it's more than I can do for myself.

My eyes droop and I watch the screen flicker until I can no longer keep them open.

-

I wake up to light streaming in through the living room curtains and curse as I see the time. I am going to be late for school; there is no question about it. The living room is surprisingly quiet and I notice the television is off and Charlie is not in his lounger.

I forgo the shower and grab a few items out of my dresser, my eyes scanning the room for damage from the previous night. My bed is messy, my nightstand drawer open, and my lamp is shattered on the floor.

'_Something you can cut yourself on, lovely.'_

I leave the mess to clean after school and hurry to change and grab my bag. Stuffing my homework inside of it I look at the clock and sigh, there is absolutely no way I will make it to first period and I am cutting it close on second period.

Throwing open the front door I rush to my truck, stopping when I see the white piece of paper sticking out from underneath my windshield wiper. The paper is sopping wet and the words are blurred so much that I can get little from it. There are two words that are very clear and stand out against the stark whiteness of the paper and I can almost make out what it says.

_**Bella**__ I will come __**back**__._

* * *

**A few quick notes:**

**The song used in the dream is 'All the Pretty Little Horses.' I used the classic lyrics that can be found on any lullaby or lyric site.**

**I'm looking for song/poem suggestions... if you have a favorite poem or song send it my way.... I may just use it! Thanks to jenn9394 for the opening lyric recommendation!**

**I'd like to thank all of you who have added this to your alerts, favorites, or written a review. This story is a bit different for me and I appreciate the support while trying something different! Everything is not as it seems, keep that in mind!**

**I would like to dedicate this to jenn9394 for the recommendation! Also to my beta Bri who has been sick.... Get better soon hon!**

**N**


	5. Surrender

**Chapter 4- Surrender**

_Doesn't mean much  
Doesn't mean anything at all  
The life I've left behind  
Is a cold room  
I've crossed the last line  
From where I can't return  
Where every step I took in faith  
Betrayed me  
And led me from my home  
Sarah McLachlan- Sweet Surrender_

**Long ass authors note at the end...**

**-**

There is a flurry of movement, a static in my brain that seems to override all thoughts. My car, once my safe haven, feels foreign and polluted.

_'He's found me. He's back.'_

The terror builds up inside of me until it's almost unmanageable. I will not be going to school today; I can't even force myself to walk the additional two feet to the driver's side door.

_'You are so fucking weak.'_

Full body tremors have overtaken me, and I find my legs so wobbly I can barely stand. Charlie is most likely inside, passed out, and I don't feel like entering the house would be in my best interest. I know that if I don't show up at school today someone will notice. The thought is so startling that I find a small laugh bubble from my chest.

Someone would notice.

For the first time in as long as I can remember I have someone that would care if I showed up. The thought is so freeing, so lifting, that I pull out my cell phone and dial a local cab company. I may not be able to enter my truck, but that doesn't stop me from making it to school one way or another.

_'Way to keep him off kilter. He would expect you to sit at home and cower.'_

It takes the cab a half an hour to get to my place and by that time I realize I have already missed first period and most of second. I sling my bag in the backseat and tell the driver where to take me. I can feel his eyes studying me, judging me, as he makes his way the short distance to the school.

_'Freak.'_

"Are you sure you alright, little miss?" he asks as he pulled into the parking lot, his eyes searching me over through his rear-view-mirror.

"Fine." I throw the money into the front seat, frowning at his obvious nosiness and grab my bag before making my way inside. It's quiet and the halls are empty, which means class is still in session. I look up at the clock startled to find that third period has started.

I quickly make my way to economy and slink into the classroom trying to be quiet. The teacher notices but is either too new or lazy to care and simply rolls their eyes as I make my way to my desk. There are whispers around me and I can feel people staring at me and I can feel my hands begin to shake again.

_'Subtly was never your finest point.'_

I'm too distracted to take notes and too tired to care about what the teacher is babbling about. I can feel the beat of my heart in my chest and ears, the adrenaline rushing through my veins. Pulling out my notebook I flip to the previous page before beginning to write.

_Things are getting strange, and not in a good way. Now that I know that he has found me, it's dangerous for me and for anyone who associates with me. He's proven before that he will stop at nothing to get what he wants. Apparently, now that mom is gone, he wants me._

_He's getting more brazen. My window was pried open and although I cannot prove anything, just the fact that he was able to do it scares me. It stormed last night, the rain and thunder rumbling through the sky. As a boom lit up the sky I was able to see outside and there he stood watching me in my bed. But he's not just showing up and taunting me he's getting careless, leaving clues and notes. Nowhere feels safe anymore._

_Not even my truck._

_I know that the time is coming, just as I have known. But I worry for the people around me, my new so called friends. Something inside of me is screaming for me to stay away from them, if only to give them some form of protection. The problem is I'm not sure if I can anymore. For the first time in quite awhile I care and someone cares for me._

_I just hope it isn't the downfall of us all._

There is a general buzz in the air around me and I look up to see that the teacher is looking at me.

_'Everyone is looking at you. What did you do? What did you say?'_

"I'm sorry?" I question confused at the sniggers I can hear around me.

"Welcome back Mrs. Swan." I can see her studying me and clearly see the judgmental look in her eyes. Before I can respond the bell rings and I rush to shove my notes into my bag. I just about make it to the door before I am stopped. "I need you to stay after for a minute, Mrs. Swan."

_'Fuck my life.'_

I stop in front of her desk and wait as the other students file out and make their way to lunch.

"If you ever disrespect me again by showing up late or ignoring me when I am talking to you we will have an issue. Is that clear?" Her face is angry and guarded and I find myself nodding just to get out of the room. She dismisses me with a clear shake of her head and I scurry into the hallway running smack dab into Edward.

_'What else can go wrong?'_

"What was that about?" His head is tilted towards the doorway and there is concern evident on his face.

I figure the best answer is none at all and shrug my shoulders while avoiding eye contact. The strap on my backpack suddenly seems fascinating and I can feel the tension in the air.

"Alice sent me to see if you were here. She said something about you not being in first period?"

_'I knew she would notice.'_

"Or second," Immediately I wince at my inability to keep my mouth shut. I can see him studying me and I look down noticing how tangled my hair looks.

_'Way to keep your big mouth shut.'_

"Is everything alright, Bella?"

I can't think of anything but the truth and I suddenly realize how much more complicated lying is going to be. "I overslept and my car wouldn't start."

_'A half truth is still at least half truthful.'_

Suddenly I find myself rambling. "I fell asleep on the couch and didn't hear my alarm clock buzzing in my room. Once I got up and got dressed I found out my truck wouldn't start so I booked it here."

Edward seemed to believe me and at least I had my disheveled appearance as a backup because he remained quiet the rest of the walk to the cafeteria.

"Listen," he whispered as we stood in line, "for whatever reason Alice seems to think you are peeved at her." Edward looked at me for a moment with a sad smile. "Just wanted to give you fair warning."

_'Great, you make a new friend and you can't even keep it. What a fucked up mess you are.'_

"Thanks for the warning," I mumbled as I grabbed an apple and darted out of line and towards the table where everyone was sitting. There were three sets of eyes on me and one very determined not to look at me as I plopped down at the table.

"Gosh Bella," Emmett muttered, "You look like hell."

"Long story," I replied feeling the seat next to me move as Edward plopped down.

_'And not one I could tell you anyway.'_

The air was thick and the table went quiet. That was when I heard the gentle sniffle and lifted my eyes up to look at Alice.

"What's wrong Ali?" I questioned, immediately sensing that somehow this had something to do with me.

_'She's probably regretting ever even talking to you.'_

"Are you mad at me, Bella?"

Even with Edward's fair warning I was unprepared for the onslaught or the feelings that it invoked in me.

"No," I was hesitant because I felt like I was missing something, "what makes you think that?"

_'Can't you do anything right?'_

"You stood me up."

"Wait," I'm confused and suddenly have no idea what she is talking about, "what?"

She lets out a soft sigh and studies my face for a moment before she lets out a small laugh. I don't get what is so funny and the more confused I look the more she laughs.

"I'm lost." I admit after a few moments of her laughter. I look around me and everyone seems to have a similar expression.

_'Glad I'm not alone.'_

"We were supposed to hang out after school yesterday and when you didn't answer your door I thought I may have offended you or you were mad at me or something. But you were really distracted at lunch and with it being your first day of school and you must have just been overwhelmed and forgot. When you didn't show up in first period today I thought you were avoiding me but I guess I was just reading into things. Since you bailed on me yesterday you can't bail on me today, though, and we are hanging out after school missy."

It takes me a moment to process everything and once I do I feel like a complete idiot.

_'You can be sometimes, you know.'_

"Oh man, I am so sorry Alice." I feel guilty, amazingly guilty. "I had so much on my plate yesterday and with everything that happened I must have just forgot."

"With everything that happened…" Edward questioned.

_'See, stupid is as stupid does. Way to open your mouth.'_

"With it being the first day of school and everything," I reply trying to save myself.

There is something incredibly scary about lying to people who care about you. It's not just the guilt or the fact that I could very easily get caught but more that I am basically ruining their trust without them even realizing it.

"Right," Edward mumbled. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye realizing that he didn't buy it for a minute. Fortunately for me, no one seemed to question it any further and instead started discussing the upcoming school dance. I was happy for the change in subject but I couldn't help but feel like the change in subject was only temporary.

As Edward and I walked to biology class, my suspicions were confirmed.

"What are you hiding?" He murmured softly to himself. It was said so quietly that I was almost certain that I wasn't supposed to hear it and yet I had. Some part of me wanted to open up and finally be honest. It didn't help that I could see the conflicted look on his face.

"Edward," I whispered, "please don't push this."

_'I'm not worth getting hurt over.'_

I wasn't quite sure if he heard me, or even if he knew that I heard him, but I could feel the sweep of his eyes as they passed over my body and studied me. He paused for a minute outside of the classroom and I could feel the hesitation in his steps.

"I'm trying to trust you, Bella."

"I know."

_'But you probably shouldn't.'_

"Please don't make me regret this," he paused for a moment and a heavy sadness filled his features. "I really like you. We all do."

I watched our fellow classmates trudge past us and felt the weight of his words as they hung in the air. It was a huge responsibility to know me and to understand my life, a responsibility most people would shy away from. Yet here was this man, begging me to open up to him, telling me he wanted to be a part of my life.

_'Don't fuck this up. He means business.'_

I thought about the girl I used to be, the one so fearless and ready to fight for what she believed in. The one who told her mother that she doesn't "want to be safe if it means I can never have friends" and I felt an overwhelming sadness for everything that I had lost and given up over the years.

"I really like you guys too," I replied softly, _'probably a bit too much.' _My breath caught in my throat as I contemplated my options. It had been such a long time since I had opened up and the last time hadn't gone well.

Taking a deep breath I looked up into his eyes. "It's really complicated, Edward. We're talking unbelievably complicated and I have the feeling that you're not going to believe me." I could feel my resolve forming, setting up shape and I let out a huge sigh.

"Try me."

**So I know you all have been wondering where I have been. A short while after my last chapter was posted my grandfather passed away. I was pretty close with him and I felt like I needed to take some time away, spend some time with my family, and truly just try and cope with everything that happened. I want to thank those few people I talked to during this time including my beta Bri who were there for me when I felt like everything was falling apart. Thanks for being my shoulder to cry on (or in this case my ear on the phone)... your a great friend.**

**I'm still looking for song and poem rec's for the next few chapters... Drop me a line and let me know if you have suggestions, if I use yours the chapter will be dedicated to you. This chapter's rec came from my beta Bri, so this is for you chicka! **

**I've also gotten quite a few messages saying that the story is confusing... I'm aware (and it's done that way on purpose) but I think it would be fun to see what you guys are thinking and see if anyone has figured it out yet!.... if you want, put a question (or a guess) in your review or pm me and I will answer a few of them in the next chapter! **

**N**


	6. Changes

**Chapter 5- This changes everything and nothing**

_These back steps are steeper to the ground  
the brightest stars are falling down  
I'm walking the edge, walking the tightest rope  
We can be frank, reality rips on through, rolling like a hurricane  
I'm over the bridge and under the rain  
Mat Kearney –Crashing Down_

The bell rang and we quickly made our way into class, taking our seats. There was a large television on a wheeled cart, indicating that most likely we were going to be watching some movie on bacterial growth. I could feel the boredom seeping from the room and as much as I would have loved to ditch the class, I knew there would be consequences.

'_Like having to explain what the hell you were thinking when you told him that you would "share" your complicated story… He's not going to believe you, no one believes you. Now you've just fucked everything up.'_

The lights were flipped off and instead of finding the darkness relaxing I was hyperaware of everything going on in the room around me. I could feel each shift and movement of Edward next to me, each intake of breath a sharp contrast to the silence around me.

'_Don't think about it. Don't you fucking dare go there.'_

My hands were shaking and I found myself hyperventilating. I didn't like the darkness; the blackness of it seeped at my subconscious mind putting me on edge. The television was flicked on and I felt Edward's eyes on me, I looked at him through the spots in my eyes.

"Bella are you alright?"

'_Bella, dear, what's the matter little one?'_

"Bella?!"

'_RUN.'_

Before I really understood what was happening, I found myself outside panting in the fresh air, my eyes squinting at the unusual brightness of the day. My legs felt week, unable to maintain standing I slumped down into the grass feeling the wetness of it seep through my pants and make me cold.

'_Cold, cold, so cold.'_

"Bella," his voice was breaking and I realized what I must look like. "You need to tell me what is going on."

I wasn't really sure what to say but the cold was starting to become irritating so I forced myself to a standing position and locked my knees into place.

"It's fine, Edward." My voice sounded hollow, almost dead. He looked frightened by it and I wasn't really sure how to respond. "I'm not feeling," I paused for a moment taking a deep breath, "well."

'_That's the understatement of the century.'_

"Bella, you look like you're going to pass out. Maybe I should take you home."

I thought about the likelihood that Charlie would be home and if I was willing to risk bringing Edward into the situation. It only took me a moment to realize that no matter what I was thinking that he wasn't going to take no for an answer.

'_Damn.'_

As if he was afraid that I would fall at any time, he kept one hand on the small of my back as he led me to the parking lot. Instead of heading for the monstrosity that was my truck, he led me to a small silver car and opened the passenger's door.

"But what about my truck?"

"Alice will drive it to your place later and drop it off for you. I texted her when you bolted out of the classroom."

'_Whoa, efficient.'_

"Alright," I sighed as I clipped my seatbelt. I gave Edward directions as we drove through the small town, really not sure if he would even need them. How lost could you get in a town this size? I pondered that thought as he pulled up to the curb and hopped out of his car. I checked the street, somewhat surprised to find Charlie's car was nowhere to be seen.

'_Thank god for that.'_

The breeze outside was picking up and I was chilly but I was really unsure about the condition of the house and it made me hesitant to invite Edward in. What would he think if the living room was strewn with empty beer bottles?

'_And why do you care so much about what he thinks?'_

Letting out a small sigh, I opened the door walking inside and peeking around the corner. The room seemed to be clear and I felt relief flood through my body. At least it was one thing that I could leave off of the huge explanation I was supposed to be preparing for Edward.

'_Take it one step at a time.'_

I took the chair, laying my head back against the plush cushion as I pulled my legs up and curled slightly inward while Edward simply sat on the edge of the couch facing towards me. He remained quiet and gave me time to center my thoughts, something I was really thankful for.

"I don't… like the dark." I whispered, clenching my eyes as the words escaped my lips. "Something about the darkness, it feels like it's pressing down on me, like I can't breathe."

'_I know what's waiting for me there; something is coming out of the darkness to take me away.'_

I stopped for a moment, my arms wrapping around my legs as I rested my head against my knees. "I usually have better control over my reaction but I've just been so tired lately and I just lost it for a moment. I'm sorry I scared you."

"Why were you late to school today?" he questioned, his words a stark contrast to the noiseless environment.

"I really did oversleep. I don't really do well with storms either. My mother was always afraid of them and it just brings back memories of her, which are really hard sometimes. I ended up out here on the couch watching television with my dad most of the night. He left me sleeping here, probably not thinking about me needing to get up in the morning, so I didn't hear my alarm go off."

'_Coward.'_

He takes in my words for a moment and I can see the wheels turning in his head. It's partially true and that's better than no truth at all but I still feel like shit for lying to him (even a teeny bit).

"How did your mother die?" His question seems innocent enough, and I can hear the sympathy in his voice, but I can feel my pulse raise as the words float in the air around me.

'_Murder. It was murder I tell you!'_

"Self inflicted," I can feel myself visibly cringe as the words escape my lips. I'm the only one that knows the truth and I highly doubt he would believe me. My father didn't, the police didn't, so why would he?

There is sadness on his face as he processes the things that I have told him. He clears his throat and I can see his Adams apple bob with the effort. "Alice and I aren't technically brother and sister. Carlisle and Esme adopted me before Alice was born. She doesn't know."

I'm a bit shocked and deeply touched that he would share something so personal with me. I find myself reaching out and our hand intertwining together. "I won't tell her."

"I know," he replies as he looks down at our hands, his face softening. "My mother killed herself," the words tumble out of his lips and I find him looking up at me a moment later "and my father wanted nothing to do with me."

'_That sounds familiar.'_

"Edward," I'm not really sure what I can say but after his opening up and being so honest I feel like we have connected. It makes me feel guilty and I squeeze his hand for a moment.

'_Don't do it.'_

"I'm the one that found her," my voice breaks and I feel the gentle squeeze of his hand, "found her lying in her own pool of blood. The image haunts me and some nights I have trouble sleeping. The storms make it worse, she hated storms and they always remind me of that moment, of the blood."

There is a silent understanding between us, one that lies heavily between us and in the air around us. I haven't opened up completely, something that is unlikely to happen, but I have opened up some. It's new and terrifying in its complexity, being able to speak about such things and I feel ripped open, exposed. I'm not use to it and it seems he understands because he doesn't question me anymore.

'_He's going to end up hurt. In the end they all do.'_

Edwards hand is still entwined with mine and I find myself staring at them, relishing the feel and the warmth of it. The silence between us doesn't feel forced and it doesn't feel strange. Instead, in a way, it feels completely right. This thought is both thrilling and terrifying. Before I can contemplate it any further there is a knock at the door and I find myself instantly tense.

'_Don't lose it now.'_

I hop up and quickly get the door, surprised to see Alice standing with my car keys in her hand.

"How did you?" Before I can finish asking how she got the keys, she answers, a huge grin on her face.

"Edward," Alice replied, looking at his car for a moment before cocking her eyebrow at me. She shoves past and makes her way to the living room, plopping down in the chair I had been sitting in, with a huge grin on her face. If she knows, or at least suspects, that she interrupted something she isn't being obvious at all.

"I texted mom," Alice babbles, "So she knows that we are going to be hanging out with Bella tonight. She seemed pretty happy about it, to be honest. So what are we going to do? It's a weeknight or I would suggest we got to Port Angeles for shopping, but it's really too late now. We could always head over to the diner and get some food. I could go for some chili cheese fries right about now."

I looked up at the clock, realizing how late it actually was. Charlie would be home soon and as much as I liked my new friends, I really wasn't ready to bypass that hurdle yet. Who knew what kind of mood he would be in when he got home.

"I say we go for food. I just need to leave a note for Charlie," I reply jumping up and grabbing a slip of paper, jotting down a quick note. Running to my room, I opened my closet grabbing a jacket in case it got cold.

Turning to flip off the light, I stopped and surveyed my room. It only took me a moment to realize something was off. The picture of my mother and I was gone from the picture frame, in its place was a picture of me as a child holding a stuffed lamb. Next to the picture laid the stuffed lamb in question, a knife protruding from its back.

'_Way down yonder, down in the meadow, there's a poor wee little lamby, the bees and the butterflies pickin' at its eyes, the poor wee thing cried for her mammy.'_

My eyes immediately went to the window, scanning each of the jagged nails that still protruded from the frame. I could hear Alice and Edward in the living room, just slightly over the sound of my own heart beating. Taking a huge gulp of air, I quickly flicked the light off and slammed the door closed.

'_Pretending it isn't there isn't going to make it go away.'_

"_**I KNOW."**_

I stood for a moment, trying to catch my breath as I stared at the door. He obviously found another way in which meant that I hadn't been careful enough about locking things up. The realization was startling and I found myself wondering where I had slipped.

"Bella," Alice called down the hallway. I turned to look at her, noting that she seemed to be watching me carefully. "Are you ready to go?"

'_Act normal, they have no idea how fucked up your life really is. Don't you want to keep it that way?'_

"Yep," I forced myself to smile as I pulled my jacket on, "I'm all ready to go."

I grabbed my keys off the counter and locked the front door behind us, checking it twice to make sure.

"I know it's probably a habit from the last place you lived," Alice joked, "but you really don't need to lock the door in this town. Who's going to steal from you? Old man Winters."

I forced a laugh through my lips and shoved the keys in my pocket, figuring I would likely be riding with Alice and Edward. I didn't have the heart to tell Alice that I wasn't worried about my stuff getting stolen, it was other things I worried about.

'_Like having someone shove a knife through your old stuffed animal.'_

The car ride was calming, the normality that I craved. Edward had the radio blaring and Alice sat in the backseat jabbering away about the different teachers at school and the gossip surrounding them. It seemed like she knew everything and had a hard time keeping it to herself.

'_That's not a problem you seem to have.'_

When we pulled up to the diner I was unsurprised to find Jasper, Rose, and Emmett waiting inside for us tucked in a back booth. It seemed like they did everything in a group and it was something that I was quickly becoming used to.

'_Just don't get __too__ used to it.'_

Jessica, a girl from school that I had talked to once out of obligation (the teacher had forced us to work in pairs), was our waitress for the evening. It became immediately clear that she had a problem with waiting on us and the glares she was shooting were putting me on edge.

"Are you guys ready to order, or what?" she grumbled her pen poised above a small slip of paper.

'_What the fuck is her problem?'_

"Cheese fries and a coke," I muttered pushing my menu in her direction before playing with the paper napkin ring around my silverware. I wasn't sure if it was because of the talk with Edward earlier in the day, the fact that I was super tired, or the fact that I had shit to deal with at home but I suddenly felt way too exposed and in no mood to be in a group.

'_Nothing can ever truly be normal can it?'_

"Don't take it personally Bella," Rose leaned forward conspiringly, "Jessica is in love with Edward. She's just jealous that you are sitting with us, Edward especially."

"Rose," Edward growled warningly causing the entire group to burst into jeers and laughter. I listened as they bantered back and forth feeling like an outcast and wondering why that bothered me.

'_It never would have before.'_

I could feel myself sinking into a mood, and I stayed silent as they continued to talk. Out of habit, or simply needing something to do, I found myself pulling off the paper napkin ring and tearing it into tiny little pieces. My hands worked quickly and efficiently and I found the actions soothing me back into a place I was comfortable.

Edward stilled the action moments later by placing his hand over the top of mine. I looked up at him sheepishly, noticing he was watching me pretty intently.

'_Look at those eyes!'_

"I'm sorry," I whispered lightly, noticing that our interaction hadn't drawn any attention (yet), "nervous habit."

He nodded his head, leaning towards me to whisper. "Are you alright?" I wasn't really sure what to say to explain what I was feeling and I knew better than to lie. I shrugged my shoulders, feeling the stress seep back into my consciousness. Edward must have noticed me tense because he frowned a bit and put his hand up on my neck, gently squeezing.

I was so caught up in what was happening that I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings or prepared for what happened next.

'_Rule number 1; be aware of your surroundings at all times. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.'_

* * *

**Alright then... As promised, here are a few quick responses to some of your questions and comments from the last 2 chapters…**

**Sunsetwing  
**This story is killing me. Please tell me that you are going to give us a clue soon at what is going on.  
**Of course I am! There are 3 clues I am going to dish out here…. Pay close attention ;o)  
1. Every font I use has a purpose. There are a reason things are bold, italicized, ect.  
2. I've said from this from the get go, and will reiterate it: ****Not everything is as it seems****.  
3. Re-read the summary and the prologue… there are clues in everything (even song/poem choices I use, especially the one in the prologue)**

**jenn9394**  
Are the police saying that Renee committed suicide? Was she really killed by James? I know in the last chapter, Bella felt like someone was watching her, and then in this chapter, she believed someone was outside her window, and then a note was left on her windshield. Does that mean that James has found her? Or is this one of the things where not is all as it seems? I can't wait to find out all the answers.  
**Yes, the **_**police**_** believe it was suicide... Maybe, that's a biggie…. yes/no/possibly/all of the above (Vague enough for you? lol)**

**amgrant3  
**I like that the story is confusing. It keeps you guessing, not knowing, wondering!  
**That's kind of the point! I'm glad you're enjoying it though! I am too!**

**Edward's-a-beefcake  
**I am really liking your story and I hope Bella opens up to Edward. You can't do everything by yourself and its ok to ask for help!  
**You are completely right and I agree 100 percent, sometimes you need help and it is OK to ask! Hopefully you got a bit of what you wanted this chapter. I think it's been pretty clear that Bella will remain very tight lipped about some things… She feels like she has to (and we will find out why shortly!).**

****I appreciate all the recommendations for songs/poems. I love checking out the music and a few of you have given really good suggestions that I may use in the future. Keep them coming my way and you may just get a shout out!****

**Thanks to Nicki for the song recommendation; this chapter is for you!**


	7. Stand

**Chapter 6- Stand**

"_I gotta fight today to live another day  
Speakin my mind today, my voice will be heard today  
I've gotta make a stand, but I am just a man  
I'm not superhuman, my voice will be heard today."  
Hero- Skillet_

I could feel the cold sticky soda seeping into my clothes making the material stick to my skin. I sat, for a moment, in shock before my eyes looked away from Edward and down at my clothes, then back up.

'_That was so not an accident.'_

"I'm so sorry," Jessica replied with a small smirk on her face, "I'm such a klutz."

I could hear the sniggers of the people at the table next to us as she shrugged her shoulders and walked away from our table. I could feel the tears stinging at my eyes as I hopped up and excused myself, rushing through the restaurant to the bathroom and locking the door behind me.

'_This is what you get when you open yourself up, haven't you realized that yet? It isn't worth it and it never will be.'_

I dabbed at my pants with a few paper towels trying to soak up as much of the moisture as I could, not that it was helping at all. I no longer had an appetite and I didn't feel like I could go back to the table and face everyone.

'_Then run, it's what your good at.'_

"What if I am getting tired of running?"

I took a moment and looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were puffy from fighting back tears, my cheeks were bright red in embarrassment, my shirt was completely ruined, and I looked like I had peed my pants.

A sharp knock on the door echoed across the tiles in the room and it was followed quickly by another. I took a deep breath, pushed my hair behind my ears, and opened the door.

Rose stood in the doorway, a bag in one hand, and a purse in the other. She looked me up and down for a moment before shaking her head with a soft sigh. Pushing her way into the bathroom she handed me the bag before leaning against the sink.

'_Well this is confusing.'_

"I keep a spare change of clothes in my trunk in case I need to stop and change a tire, or something." Rose muttered, her eyes were dark and she looked upset. "I know that the easy thing to do would be to leave, but then Jessica would just be winning."

'_I knew it. I knew she did it on purpose.'_

I opened the bag, pulling the items out and looking at them appreciatively. The jeans looked like they might be a little snug, but they had to better than the sopping wet ones I currently had on. The shirt consisted of a small men's white tank top that looked like it would fit perfectly.

'_Are you really going to go out there again?'_

'_Yes, I am.'_

"Thank you, Rose."

I pulled the sopping wet clothes off and used a few wet towels to wipe the sticky goo off of my legs and arms before pulling Rose's clothes on. Rose looked at me with a smile and a small nod, before handing me a hair-tie to put my hair back with.

'_Walk out there like nothing happened. Then make the bitch pay.'_

Rose handed me a small jar out of her purse, "Put this under your eyes, it will get rid of the redness."

I rubbed the goop under my eyes, watching the swelling and redness die down instantly, and I couldn't help but smile back. "Thank you, Rose. I wasn't sure I would have gotten up the nerve to go back out there."

"She's a bitch," Rose shrugged her shoulders and opened the bathroom door, "don't let her get to you."

'_You're going to get hurt again, you never learn.'_

I made my way through the diner, ignoring the sniggers and stares of the other customers. I could feel the heat of my cheeks as they flushed from the attention. Our table was half empty, with Emmett and Jasper sitting and whispering furiously back and forth.

Edward and Alice were gone.

'_Of course they left. They didn't want to be linked to the big pathetic loser that you are.'_

As I approached the table, their whispering stopped and they both turned to look at Rose and me. "Welcome back girls," Emmett smiled as he flung his arm around Rose and pulled her into his lap.

"Hi," I replied softly, looking down at my chair to see that it had been replaced by a new one. I sat down and picked at the semi-cold fries avoiding looking up at the others around me. After a few minutes of silence and awkwardness, I realized that I had ridden with Alice and that I was either going to have to call Charlie to come and get me or walk home.

'_Both of those sound like really bad ideas.'_

Pulling out my cell I looked at the time and winced, calling Charlie was definitely not an option at this time of night. Digging through my wallet I pulled a ten out and threw it on the table.

"I have to go, sorry" I stated, mainly for Rose's benefit. I didn't wait for them to say anything, because what was the point. Before I could re-think it I was out the door and walking down the street towards home.

'_Bad things hide in the dark.'_

The few sporadic street lights did little to light up the walkway and my eyes adjusted to the dark rather quickly. The rest of me, however, did not. Every movement of the wind, every wisp of a leave across the ground startled me. My footsteps increased in speed and I found myself looking behind me.

'_He's out there.'_

The nice thing about living in a small town is that it's small. That's also the bad thing, I realized, as I looked at the empty yards and roads around me.

'_This was a really bad idea, you know that don't you?'_

"Yes."

With only a few more blocks to go, I could hear footsteps behind me. Suddenly I found myself breaking into an all out run. The lights flickered past as I bolted down the sidewalk. My breathing was ragged and I could feel each pound of my heart against my rib cage.

'_Run! Run for all your worth!'_

There was no way I was going to make it, I realized as I cut around a corner and looked down the empty road. I pulled my keys out of my pocket, slipping one between two of my fingers making a rudimentary weapon and flipped around.

No one was there.

'_Anymore; no one was there anymore.'_

I hurried the last two blocks, making sure to stay alert and look over my shoulder as much as possible. No matter how many times I looked, though, no one was there. It made me question myself, made me question the things that I had heard.

'_He was there. You know he was there.'_

I opened the front door, surprised by the darkness of the house. Locking the door behind me I made my way to the living room, my breath coming out in pants. Charlie wasn't in his normal chair and the living room was still fairly clean.

'_Which means he probably hasn't come home yet, right?'_

"I can only hope."

I made my way to the bathroom, pulling the sweat soaked clothes off of me and locking the door behind me. There was no way I was going to bed anytime soon, so I lit a few candles and climbed into the tub letting the hot water soothe away my pains.

There is something reflective about taking a bath and I found my mind drifting. I couldn't help but feel hurt that Alice and Edward had taken off, but some part inside of me told me that was the way it was going to be. After all it's the way the rest of my life had gone, so why would they have been any different?

'_And why does it mean so much to you now?'_

Tears stung at my eyes and blurred my vision. I could still feel where Edward's hand had been massaging and rubbing my neck, feel the way his eyes burned into mine when I looked at him. Goosebumps rose on my arms and I dunked them under the water.

'_You're gonna be in tro-ub-le.'_

I clenched my eyes tight, blocking out all noise and thoughts. I stayed in the tub until my hands were prune-like before drying off and wrapping the towel around me. Opening the bathroom door I peered out into the hallway listening to the silence of the house.

'_It's too quiet if you ask me!'_

A quick dash to my room, and a set of pajamas later, and I was ready to pick up the pieces of the day and pretend that it never happened. Grabbing the stuffed lamb and the picture, I carried them into the kitchen throwing them into the trash can.

'_Getting rid of his presents won't make him go away.'_

"I know but it will make me feel better."

I flicked the kitchen lights off and looked out at the stars in the sky. When I was little I had wished and hoped and dreamed on them… and look where it got me. Pressing my forehead against the cool window I let a puff of air cloud the glass and distort my view of the stars.

'_Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight…"_

Shaking my head I made my way back to the front door, double checking the lock. As I played with the deadbolt the front security lights flicked on. Assuming it was Charlie I peeked out the security hole, surprised to see an empty sidewalk and road.

'_Don't do it. Curiosity killed the cat, you know!'_

Something inside of me had to know, had to be brave just this once, and I found my hand unlatching the door and pulling it open.

My jacket lay folded on the stoop; a small note written on a napkin lay on top.

_**Never seek to tell thy love, **_  
_**Love that never told can be; **_  
_**For the gentle wind does move **_  
_**Silently, invisibly. **_

_**I told my love, I told my love, **_  
_**I told her all my heart; **_  
_**Trembling, cold, in ghastly fears, **_  
_**Ah! she did depart!  
(Love's Secret- William Blake)**_

_**Thought you might need this,  
You looked beautiful.**_

I didn't recognize the writing and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. I carried the jacket and the note into my bedroom, placing both in the closet. Curling up under my covers I stared at the wall thinking. I wondered where Charlie was and why he wasn't home yet. I wondered what it was about me that caused people to run. I wondered why it was so hard to keep a friend. And then I fell asleep.

I woke the next morning to the sound of the garbage truck driving by. Rolling out of bed, I went to the living room, surprised to find it still in order. Peeking out the front window, I realized why, Charlie had never come home last night.

'_Not something new, but still unusual.'_

The sky was a murky gray and I found myself dreading leaving the house. I wasn't the type to play hookie from school but I just couldn't even fathom facing everyone after last night. So I called the secretary and told her my dad was working and I was sick.

Another nice thing about small towns; the people are gullible.

After multiple reassurances that I didn't need any homemade soup, that Dr. Cullen did not need to be called, and that I would stay indoors, the secretary excused me from class.

'_As simple and easy as that.'_

I spent the morning cleaning the house and doing some laundry. After making myself a quick sandwich for lunch I curled up in my chair to read. As the pages flipped by, the sky became darker and darker.

'_Not another storm; what is with this place?'_

Laying my book down, I watched out the window as the clouds thickened and darkened. Rain started to splatter the window making a ting noise that I found surprisingly delightful. Each drop streaked down the window leaving a separate path in its wake.

'_Even drops of rain leave some left over imprint of their life. What will you leave?'_

"Nothing," I whispered, my eyes clenched tight in sadness.

_There was a clang in the kitchen, the sound of a pan hitting the stove, followed by another. I stood from my chair, my eyes straining in the darkness. _

"_Bella, dear," James growled, "Dinner is almost ready. You shouldn't keep your host waiting."_

_Another pan clanged and I clenched my fists. There was no way I could get past him to get to my bedroom so I only had two choices; Run up the stairs or go out into the storm._

_I moved slowly and quietly towards the hallway, my mind flickering between the two possibilities. _

'_Go upstairs; at least you will have a locked door between the two of you. Plus it's STORMING outside.'_

'_No, you need to run outside. If you go outside the chance that someone will see you or hear you is better. Who cares about the storm when you could be trapped upstairs with no escape?'_

_Reaching for the door, I wrenched it open, shocked to see Edward on the stoop hand raised to knock._

"_Bella, I don't like to be kept WAITING." James growled._

"_This isn't a good time?" he questioned, his eyes taking in the features of my face and looking past me into the hallway._

"_Something like that," I responded as I looked over my shoulder at the empty space, "How about we go for a drive?"_

"_Yes," he responded immediately, his back tense as he continued to stare into the house. I wondered if he was picking up on my distress or if he could hear James in the kitchen. As I turned around to grab my keys James entered the hallway, his eyes glancing between the two of us._

"_Well, well, isn't this just sweet," James growled, "Bella and Edward."_

_I turned to look at Edward only he wasn't there anymore._

_I turned back to James and he stood there smiling. I was alone, I would always be alone, just me and James._

I woke with a start, my book on the floor by my feet and the room around me dark from the storm. A knock on the door sounded again and I pushed myself up and moved my legs around to get the feeling back into them.

The slight patter of rain could still be heard and I wondered how long I had been out for? I peeked through the security hole, surprised to see Edward and Alice on my steps, both soaking wet.

'_It serves them right for ditching last night and leaving you to walk home.'_

They were talking quietly back and forth, but I couldn't hear what they were saying. Alice kept gesturing to my truck and Edward continually shook his head no.

'_Great, Alice probably forced him to come and apologize.'_

"BELLA," Alice yelled her fist connecting with the door I was now peaking out of (causing me to jump quite a bit). Her knock was forceful for as tiny as she was and I was not surprised when her fist came down once again.

"Alice," Edward muttered, "the secretary said she was sick. She is probably just sleeping, although it is surprising that Charlie isn't home at this time."

Alice scowled at Edward for a moment, her face a mask of determination. "Something is wrong Edward, whether you realize it or not and I am NOT leaving here until I see Bella."

"Fine," Edward sighed as he got down on his knees and searched around the stoop. I realized after a moment he was looking for a spare key, something that he wasn't going to find.

'_Because that would defeat the purpose of locking the door, now wouldn't it?'_

Alice pulled out her cell phone and pressed a couple of keys. I could see her talking emphatically into the phone and then she hung up.

"What did you just do, Alice?" Edward questioned as he stood up and wiped off his knees.

"You'll see," she replied, smiling as she shrugged her shoulders.

'_You should probably go lay down in your room. If they find a way to get in it's going to look funny that you were standing here watching them all this time.'_

I made my way down the hall, closing my bedroom door behind me as I flopped down into bed. My body ached (from the run the night before) and I had a massive headache (which is unusual for me). I felt drained and found my eyes drooping as I picked at the quilt on my bed.

There was no use in fighting it, sleep overtook me.

**I've literally had the most craptastic week, and reading your reviews put a huge smile on my face. I'm excited to see that there are some new readers, so welcome and thanks for the support! **

**This chapter is dedicated to jenn9394 for the song choice for the chapter. Thanks jenn for the wonderful review and suggestion, I think_ it _was perfect *wink***

**Thanks, as always, to my beta Pixie. This chapter (with all of it's loose ends) drove her crazy, which makes me love it all the more. **

**Updates should be coming quicker now that school is FINALLY out... Cheers all around!**

**N**


	8. Dream Debacle

**Chapter 7- Dream Debacle **

**I stand amid the roar  
in a surf-tormented shore,  
and I hold within my hand  
grains of the golden sand-  
How few! Yet how they creep  
through my fingers to the deep,  
while I weep—while I weep!  
O God! Can I not grasp  
Them with a tighter clasp?  
O God! Can I not save  
one from the pitiless wave?  
Is all that we see or seem  
but a dream within a dream?  
A Dream Within A Dream – Edgar Allan Poe**

'_Bad things hide in the dark.'_

"Bella you need to wake up," I could feel a subtle shift of my bed each movement jarring my sore body.

'_He's out there and there is nothing you can do to stop him.'_

"Do not make me get a glass of water, because I swear I will."

'_She's going to get hurt you know. In the end they all will.'_

"What do you want, Alice?" I groaned as I pulled my pillow over my head and turned to my side, ignoring the burning in my limbs. I must be more out of shape than I realize.

'_How the hell did they get in here anyways?'_

"How the hell did you get in here, anyways?" I questioned, frustrated that my locks had once again failed me.

"It's a small town, Bella." Alice replied softly, "All I had to do was call the local locksmith and he was here and had the door unlocked in five minutes."

'_You may want to rethink your idea that small towns are safer; Just a suggestion.'_

Groaning I rolled onto my back, my eyes scanning the dark room around me. I really wasn't in the mood for company, wasn't even tempting the idea of playing hostess, and didn't have the energy to deal with Alice's over-the-top enthusiasm.

'_But she's your friend.'_

"I'm not feeling well, so you probably shouldn't be here. I wouldn't want you to get sick or anything," I grumbled feeling the stinging in my throat.

'_That's strange. Why is your throat sore?'_

Alice looked surprisingly confused. Her eyes scanned over my features before she turned and looked at someone in the doorway. They seemed to have a silent conversation and then I heard Edward sigh behind me. "I'll go call dad."

"Bella," Alice hedged lightly, "why is Charlie not home?"

'_Who knows? It's not like this is the first time he has abandoned you. I wouldn't tell her that though.'_

"He's probably working late. Sometimes I swear Charlie is married to his job." It was meant as a joke but I could tell by the look on Alice's face that she was concerned and I felt like I needed to calm the waters. "I was joking Alice, his job is rough and sometimes he works late. When he does I lock the door, but now I see that it's pretty ineffective." I threw in a small smile for good measure.

My lightheartedness seemed to ease Alice's tension only slightly. She was quiet for a moment as her eyes scanned my features. I couldn't help but reach up and rub my aching throat. It would be just like me to get sick after lying about being sick.

"Your throat is probably sore from all the screaming." Edward muttered, his eyes downcast, as he entered the room.

'_Wait, what?'_

"I beg your pardon."

"You were screaming, Bella. About gave the locksmith a heart attack, hell you about gave Edward an aneurism. If he hadn't gotten the door open I think Edward might have kicked it down."

'_This is all so confusing. What the hell is going on?'_

"My head hurts," I murmured, "I just really want to go back to bed."

"That's fine," Alice replied softly, "but I'm not leaving your side."

My head felt heavy, my eyes laden. I met Edward's gaze for a moment and then they closed.

"_It's rain-ing it's pour-ing, the old man is snor-ing. He went to bed and bumped his head and didn't get up in the morn-ing."_

_My dress twirled around me as I danced between the wildflowers of the meadow. I could hear my mother's laughter as the rain pinged against our skin._

"_I have a secret for you my little lamb," she called to me. As I ran to her I jumped in the mud. It flew up and splattered against my shins and the bottom of my dress._

"_I love secrets," I squealed, my wet braids slapping against my skin making a terrible splooch._

"_And this is a good one," she replied, her knees sinking into the mud as she held my arms. "It's so important and so good."_

"_Tell me, tell me." I begged._

_She leaned in her arms wrapping around me and pulling me to her tightly. Her lips hovered just above my ear and there was a gleam in her eye. _

"_I love you, my little lamb. I love you so much."_

"_I know that, mommy." I laughed at the serious look on her face._

"_I love you so much that it hurts. I need you to understand this and to listen because this is important Isabella." Her eyes clenched tightly, warding off the tears that were seeping down her face. "He's coming for you baby and we have to run."_

_Her breathing was coming in pants, faster and faster, and her eyes were clouded with fear. "He's coming for you and I can't stop him."_

"_You're scaring me mommy," I could feel the tears dripping off my chin, mingling with the rainwater that drenched me._

"_Good," she whispered her head nodding, "you should be scared, especially of him."_

I woke with a gasp, sitting up in bed feeling the tears streak down my face. The room was pitch black and I could feel the fear ripple through me. I felt the bed next to me move and a cool cloth touch my forehead.

"Alice?" I questioned fearfully into the darkness.

"It's me," Edward replied softly, the cloth dabbing at my perspiration. I felt like I should be ashamed, that I should worry about what he thought, but for some reason I didn't. "I'm here and it's okay," he continued, "try to go back to sleep."

'_I don't even know if that's possible.'_

I lay for a moment staring at the ceiling and then I felt my eyes adjust and I turned to look at him. Even in the darkness of the night and his eyes clouded with worry he was beautiful. I looked past him and was surprised to not recognize the room I was in.

"Um, where am I?" I questioned softly.

'_More accurately how the hell did you get here?'_

"You're at our house. Alice was worried and called dad. He instantly went into doctor mode and said that you had to stay here until you were feeling better or Charlie got off work. Hopefully that is alright?"

'_Does that mean that you are in Edward Cullen's bed?'_

"That's fine, I guess, but why are you in here?"

"Alice was getting tired so I told her to go to bed. I knew that waking up in an unusual place would probably be a bit scary so I told her I would stay with you, she didn't fight me on it."

'_Hmm, must ask Alice about this later.'_

"You really need your sleep," he whispered, flipping the rag so the cold side was now on my forehead. "Close your eyes and I will hum to you."

With Edward's humming and the warmth of the room it didn't take long for me to slip into dreams again.

"_What are you thinking telling her things like that, Renee?" _

_I sat in the bathtub, watching the mud spread through the water darkening it. I could hear my parents arguing downstairs and I clenched my eyes shut blocking it out._

"_She needs to know! God Damn it Charlie, she __**needs**__ to know."_

_I splashed the water, listening to it tumble over the edge and onto the small rug. _

"_She is just a little girl, Renee, one that doesn't need to take part in your delusional little fantasy world."_

_I tilted my head back, letting my hair float on top of the water as I stared at the ceiling. The water muffled the sounds of their shouts._

"_Don't play the fucking crazy card Charlie. I've seen the way he looks at her. It's not safe for her here, no matter what you and your little cop friends think. If you love me at all, we will be moving tomorrow."_

"_You can't keep pulling shit like this Renee, you just can't. You are going to damage that little girl and she is going to turn out just like you."_

_I pulled the towel off the rack and wrapped it around me, making my way out into the living room. "It's okay daddy," I whispered, "we can move if it's what mommy wants."_

"Edward," I reached my hand out finding his and entwining our fingers.

"What's the matter, Bella?" His voice was gravelly from sleep and I squeezed his hand tightly in my own.

"I don't want to end up like my mother."

'_Please god, don't let that happen.'_

"Is that what you've been dreaming about," he moved closer and I could just make out his face through the darkness. "I can promise you, Bella, that no matter what you will not end up like your mother. I won't let you."

His fingers twisted through my hair and the movement was soothing.

'_Don't fall back asleep!'_

"Tell me something," I pleaded, "anything."

'_Tell me what happened at the diner.'_

He was quiet for a moment, his eyes closed in thought. "You really scared me tonight, Bella. When we were standing outside, listening to your screams. I could feel the fear just fill me and my imagination was filled with thoughts of what was happening to you. It's amazing to think how much you mean to me already."

'_Danger Will Robinson, Danger!'_

"Tell me something, Bella."

"When I was a child, I loved rain. I loved the feel of it on my skin, the way it weighed down my clothes, the splattering noise it would make as it hit pavement. Somewhere along the way, that changed, and now I dread storms and the rain they bring with them."

'_The way they remind you of her.'_

"The next time it rains we will go puddle jumping."

The way he said it seemed so innocent and yet so significant. Taking me out in the rain would mean little to someone else, but this was Edward and he knew how much it would mean to me.

"I think I would like that."

The room was quiet and I could hear the gentle hum of his computer fan. The sound was relaxing and I felt myself sigh lightly. I heard his breathing steady out and deepen, and I closed my eyes.

"You mean so much to me too, Edward."

'_More than I will ever be able to tell you.'_

It didn't take long for my breathing to even out and match his and eventually I was fast asleep.

_My Barbie suitcase was packed with all the belongings I couldn't bear to leave behind. It wasn't until I stood in the yard and looked at the house that I had lived in for all of my life that I truly understood what I was leaving behind._

"_I don't want to go, Daddy."_

_He looked at me with sad eyes and a small frown on his face. "I know kiddo, I know."_

_As the tears started to drip down my face, I watched the last of our family belongings being put into the back of the truck._

"_Oh my little lamb," Mommy stated her eyes filled with joy as she pulled me to her, "it's just a house. We will find one bigger and better someplace safe."_

"_Why can't we be safe here?" I questioned as I watched Daddy lock up the house, a steadfast frown on his face as he went door to door._

"_Because we __**can't**__." she growled at me. "We talked about this baby, we're moving because of __**you**__. I need to keep you safe."_

"_I DON'T WANT TO MOVE," I pouted, my foot stomping the ground as I crossed my arms and turned away from her. "I don't want to find a new house; I don't want to make new friends; I WANT TO STAY HERE."_

"_This is a bad idea, Renee." Daddy grunted as he walked over and picked me up, gently placing me in the backseat of the car._

"_Don't you dare start with me, Charles," Mommy bit back as she slammed the back car door causing me to jump. "I am taking her, whether you come with or not."_

"Get up sleepyheads."

"Go away, Alice," Edward grumbled his arm tightening around my waist.

'_Wait a minute, what?'_

I jerked up, his arm flying off of me causing him to jerk awake.

"What's wrong, Bella?" Edward questioned as I looked at Alice who had a huge smirk on her face.

"Nothing," I muttered, narrowing my eyes daring her to say _anything._

"Well you look like you're feeling better."

I could feel the blush flood my cheeks as Alice chuckled and clapped her hands. Edward rolled out of bed, grumbling under his breath as he made his way into an adjoining bathroom.

"Don't look at me like that, Alice," I warned as I pointed at her with narrow eyes.

"I have no idea what you are talking about, Bella. I just wanted to see how you were feeling and let you guys know that mom was cooking some breakfast."

"We'll be right down," Edward called through the bathroom door.

After freshening up in the bathroom and pulling on one of Edward's sweatshirts I followed Edward down the stairs and into one of the most fully stocked kitchens I had ever seen.

"Good morning, Bella dear, glad to see you up and about." Edward's mom waved a spatula in greeting before flipping the pancake she was currently cooking.

'_So this is what a __**real**__ family looks like?'_

"Morning Mrs. Cullen," I replied pulling out a stool and sitting down at the island next to Edward. Alice plopped down next to me.

'_Are you ever going to ask them about the diner?'_

"Maybe I don't want to know!"

"What was that dear?" Mrs. Cullen questioned as she flipped a few pancakes and strips of bacon onto my plate.

"Nothing," I mumbled, taking a bite of the bacon and smiling softly at her. "Thank you so much for allowing me to stay here last night."

'_And for the chance to watch Edward sleep.'_

"You're welcome anytime, dear, especially if your father is working late. I would hate to think of you staying in that house all alone at night. That can be scary for a girl your age."

'_Especially while he is out there, watching and waiting.'_

**We're slowly getting to all the questions that you guys want answered, promise :)  
Special thanks to those of you who reviewed the last chapter! I love reading your thoughts and comments, they always put a smile on my face! Also mucho thanks to my beta Pixie. This story is driving her just as crazy as you guys!**

**I'm leaving on vacation wed and won't be back for a week and a half. I have part of the next chapter written and I am hoping to have it finished before I take off. If you guys want an update before I get back you know what to do ;) (hit the pretty blue button at the bottom)**

**N**


	9. Abandoned

_**Abandoned**_

_**The night was fled, the dawn was nigh:  
A hurricane went raving by,  
And swept the Vision from mine eye.  
Vanished that dim and ghostly bed,  
(The hangings, tape; the tape was red happy  
'Tis o'er, and Doe and Roe are dead!  
Oh, yet my spirit inly crawls,  
What time it shudderingly recalls  
That horrid dream of marble halls!**_

_**The Palace of Humbug- Lewis Carroll**_

The house was eerily quiet when I got home. Not that I expected Charlie to be there anyways. This wasn't the first time I had been abandoned for days on end. Silently, I wondered if he finally got smart and decided to run.

'_You wouldn't blame him if he did.'_

Without saying a word to Edward or Alice I made my way down the hall to my bedroom. The door was cracked open and I hesitated briefly before shoving it open. Everything looked the same and the familiarity brought a bit of comfort to my frayed nerves.

'_You're avoiding the truth, Bella.'_

Tugging Edward's sweater off, I pulled out some clothes and made the short trek to the bathroom. The time would help clear my thoughts and I knew that I could really use a shower.

'_Coward.'_

Letting the warm water trickle down my body I laid my head against the cool tile. I knew that I was getting attached and the perfect opportunity had presented itself to pull away. And yet I had done nothing.

'_You're too weak to do anything.'_

Reaching over I turned the dial further letting the now hot water pelt my skin. The small sting and redness that slowly blossomed felt amazing.

_The house was quiet, eerily so._

_She had lived in the house long enough to know every little noise, every creak and crick it made. Right now it was deadly quiet._

_Laying her bag next to the door, she clenched her eyes shut and listened for a moment._

_She could hear nothing, not a single noise._

Steam began to fill the small room and I relished in the ability it had to take my breath away. There was something about losing yourself in a hot shower, something in the way the water burned and the steam spread through the room that was soothing.

"_Mom," she called out her eyes darting the area around the house. "Are you upstairs?"_

_She waited a minute, not getting a response, before she could really feel the panic begin to set. As she reached the staircase she saw the smeared material on the walls. She knew what it was and suddenly she felt sick._

"_MOM?"_

The muffled sound of the TV reached me and I laid my head back taking deep breaths of the moist air. It was soothing to know that someone else was there with her, that someone was just in the other room waiting.

I was safe.

It wasn't a feeling I was used to.

_Slowly she made her way up the stairs, avoiding touching the walls or the banister. At the top of the stairs she stopped and held her breath, her eyes scanning the area in front of her. All of the doors were closed except one; her parents._

_There was a small puddle on the top step; the blood had formed a small pool in the shape of a circle. This seemed odd, but she wasn't sure why._

_Momentarily she wondered if this was all a dream._

The heat was starting to get to me. Reaching up I wiped a few beads of sweat off of my forehead. I listened to the hum of the TV, the sound of the water pinging against the tile, and let out a deep sigh.

The steam was getting thick, too heavy to breathe and I knew that I would have to turn the water off or turn the temperature down.

But it just felt so good.

_It must be a dream, she thought, as she watched her small hand reach out and push the door open. That had to be why everything was so strange, why everything seemed so foggy._

_The door creaked open and her eyes took over the scene in front of her, a scream echoing out of her lips. The bed was covered in blood, so much blood._

_The dark red color dripped from the sheets and down onto the wood flooring._

_She looked at the man on the bed, her eyes blurred with tears._

_Her feet fell out from underneath her and everything went black._

It was too hot. Reaching down I flipped the switch letting the water turn off as I laid my head against the tiles. A few tears seeped from my eyes as I struggled to breathe against the thickness of the air in the room.

'_It was just a dream. That's all it was.'_

Wrapping my towel around my frame, I stepped out of the tub, letting the water drip onto the mat. I was suffocating, slowly struggling to gain the breath that I needed.

Yanking the bathroom door open I let the cool air trickle over me and took a few, needed, deep breaths. The cool air burned my lungs but calmed down my panicked thinking.

Making my way back into the small bathroom I dried off and got dressed.

'_It was just a dream. It didn't happen. You didn't see that.'_

Then why, I wondered, did it all seem so real?

* * *

Alice and Edward were patiently waiting in the living room and the conversation I had been avoiding seemed to rear its ugly head.

"So we should probably talk," Alice stated her chipperness more than a bit irritating for some reason.

'_You're not in the right mindset to have this conversation.'_

"Actually," I replied, surprised at the gruffness of my own voice, "can we just do this later?"

I'm not sure if it was the tone of my voice or the look on my face but Alice seemed to cringe away a little bit as she continued to speak.

"But I need you to understand…about the diner…"

"Its fine," I replied suddenly feeling like I could take a long nap, "I get it."

'_I think your actions were more than clear'_

"But Bella," Alice's voice wavered and I looked to see Edward watching me carefully, his brow furrowed.

"It was nice of you guys to make sure I got home alright, but I'm really tired and I think I am going to go lay down for a bit."

I didn't wait for them to talk, didn't even give them a chance as I made my way to my room and closed the door behind me.

'_They are just going to end up hurt in the long run anyways. This was the right move.'_

I could still hear the TV going and as I closed my eyes against the brightness of my room I knew that sleep was the last thing I needed.

* * *

"_Swing me higher, Daddy."_

_He pushed on the swing as she pumped her legs, her whole body shooting up into the air. She couldn't help the stream of giggles that escaped her lips._

"_Higher," she squealed._

_Another shove and she found herself soaring into the sky. The wind whipped around her and she could feel the chill of the air on her skin. She was higher than she had ever gone before and it was both exhilarating and frightening._

"_That's enough," she screamed, "too high."_

_She felt the strong arms wrap around her and pull her to a stop. She could feel the shake of his chest as he chuckled behind her._

"_Too high for you, my little dare-devil? Don't worry; Daddy will always be here to catch you."_

I wasn't sure how long I had been asleep for. But the moon was out and shining through the curtains of my room. I could still hear the TV on and I pulled my hair back into a messy bun before making my way down the hall. If Alice and Edward had stayed than the least I could do was allow them the opportunity to explain themselves.

'_Even if you are getting too attached.'_

The blue light flickered through the room lighting it up and then leaving it in darkness. I couldn't hear any talking, so I poked my head around the corner. I stopped for a moment, my eyes surveying the bottles around the couch. The room was mysteriously empty though.

'_Uh oh.'_

Clenching my eyes shut, I let out a few deep breaths, relieved that he hadn't decided that I he should cut and run after all. I tip-toed back to my room, stopping only when I saw the note taped to my door, the scrawl identifying Alice as the culprit.

Grabbing the piece of paper I closed my door behind me, pushing the lock into place.

Lying on my bed, I flipped the piece of paper in my hands a few times before opening it.

**Bella,**

**I checked on you shortly after you went to your room, but you were already sound asleep. I know that you are probably upset with us and from what I have gathered from Rose and Emmett you probably have every right to be. But I need you to know that it isn't what you are thinking.**

**I will explain everything to you, every single detail (even every little word) if you like, but first know that we weren't ditching you. After everything that had happened with Jessica, Edward was a little worked up and he and I had stepped outside for a few minutes to talk.**

**It wasn't until we saw you bolting down the street that we realized how it could have been misconstrued.**

**When you're ready to talk and hear everything that I have to say, call me. I'll be here waiting to hear from you and to share all the dirty details of how miserable we made Jessica for the rest of the night.**

**(I think Rose actually made her cry and might have gotten her fired)**

**Alice**

My eyes scanned over the words on the page.

'_Well this just complicates things.'_

For once I really couldn't agree more.

* * *

The next morning brought with it storms and a once again quiet house. The living room was clear of all the bottles from the night before and there was no trace that Charlie had ever been home.

It was a little bit creepy, if you asked me.

I did the few dishes in the sink and went about cleaning the house since there really wasn't anything better to do. Plus, I figured, if I got it clean now then if it cleared up later I could go for a walk and maybe, finally, explore the town a little bit.

By the time noon rolled around I resigned myself to the fact that it was going to rain all day. Normally I would be fine with staying in the house, but I felt restless and I was getting used to having people around me again.

'_You could always call Edward or Alice.'_

While the idea seemed appealing I wasn't still quite sure where my head was at on that front. Instead I sat down in front of the TV and spent an hour flicking through the channels.

There wasn't a damn thing on.

Frustrated I put down the remote and looked up at the ceiling. If Charlie was home then he should have been up by now. I suddenly had a bad feeling; a really bad feeling.

Making my way up the stairs as quietly as possible I was unsurprised to find all the doors of the hallway closed, except for one; his door. The door was opened a crack and I could see a small light filtering out of it.

"Charlie?" I questioned feeling the beat of my heart increase as I realized the familiarity.

When I didn't get a response I pushed the door open, my eyes scanning the empty room around me; the COMPLETELY empty room.

My heart dropped into my stomach as I felt the tears welling in my eyes. I looked at the bare walls and bare wood floor as tremors overtook my body.

'_You've finally ran away the last person who cared about you. What now?'_

"I don't fucking know."

* * *

**A few things...**

**Thanks to those of you who reviewed on the last chapter, I'm sorry I never got around to responding but know that I appreciated it! I've written this chapter 3 times now (and lost it twice due to computer problems) so I'm sorry it's a bit shorter than usual.**

**I'm FINALLY done with my summer courses, so updates should be coming more frequently.**

**I know a lot of people have been hearing about the problems that writers have been having with this website. It is for this reason along with several others that I have decided to start posting on livejournal (as well). My account here will still be active and I will still be posting here but I want to use livejournal as a way to interact with you guys.**

**I will be posting sneak peeks, posting about the writing process, posting new stories, and sharing the music that is helping inspire me.**

**I've been thinking for quite awhile about revamping a few of my stories, including To Feel. These new re-vamped versions will stay true to their former plot but there is things that I feel were left out or that could be added to make the plot better. These new revamped versions will be posted on livejournal. I may also post a few one-shots there that haven't been posted here.**

**The link to my livejournal account can be found in my profile.**

**I encourage you to come on over and take a look, if you like it, then add me as a friend and join in on the fun.**

**New updates should be coming soon…**

**Until then 3**

**N**


	10. The Descent

**The Descent**

"_**But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.  
"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat. "We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."  
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.  
"You must be," said the Cat. "Or you wouldn't have come here."  
Lewis Carroll –Alice in Wonderland**_

'_What are you going to do now? Huh? You're all alone, no one loves you, no one stays with you. They all think you're fucking crazy. Charlie couldn't wait to cut and run; couldn't wait to leave your kind of trouble behind.'_

I slam the door closed behind me letting the sound reverberate through the hallway. This is the first time that I have truly felt like I was on my own and it's a terrifying and liberating feeling. I sink to the floor, leaning my back against the wall next to what used to be Charlie's bedroom.

I feel utterly and hopelessly lost, to an extent where I'm beginning to wonder if it's even worth fighting anymore.

'_You've finally learned that fighting is a lost cause.'_

I picture my father, or at least what I remember of him before everything changed and I am overwhelmed by sadness. He used to be such a happy man, used to be so full of joy and life. In the last few years he had lost his luster and he drank more than ever. I guess I should have seen this coming.

Maybe then I would have been more prepared.

'_You should just give up.'_

Before I can really consider it, I find my feet moving down the stairs. The tears are dripping from my eyes and I can barely see through the blurriness. I make my way past the living room and stop at the front door, sliding the lock free.

If he wants me, let him fucking come and get me.

'_This is so stupid.'_

I make my way down the hall to my room, leaving the door wide open. If I'm not going to fight it, then I might as well make it easy for him. I curl my body under my comforter, the material doing little to warm the chills that are filling my body.

'_This isn't your only option. Call Edward, call Alice. Don't just sit here and wait for him. You've gone through too much to just give up.'_

My cell phone is sitting on the dresser beside me and I know that it would be so easy to just reach over and pick it up. So easy to dial the number and drag more people into my mess. Did I really want to put them through that? Through the pain and the fear and the loneliness that has become my life.

I don't think I can.

So I lay and stare at my walls, at the clock on my nightstand, at the stucco on the ceiling and I wait.

10:35

11:07

12:46

1:32

My eyes are heavy but I can't seem to force myself to sleep. I watch the shadows from the moon play across my wall. Watch as they dance in front of my eyes and lull me into a sense of security.

Before I know it my eyes are so heavy and the lids droop in sync with each beat of my heart.

'_That's right, just fall asleep and it will all be over.'_

And before I know it, I do.

I wake up the next morning, the sun shining brightly through my window. My heart is heavy and as I roll out from under the covers I look around confused.

I am still here in my room, in my bed.

'_What the fuck?'_

My room is exactly as it was when I went to bed. The door still lay open and I looked into the hallway expecting to see _something._ But there is absolutely _nothing._

I walk down the hallway and pull open the unlocked door. I look outside, not really sure what I am expecting, but expecting something or someone.

There is _nothing._

It was the perfect opportunity, the perfect chance for him to get to me if he really wanted to and yet he didn't. What did that mean? It was all so confusing and I found myself making my way into the living room and plopping down on the couch.

'_It's a game of cat and mouse. You made it too easy for him.'_

The night has seriously messed with my head and I am beginning to wonder if I really am crazy. I make my way down the hall and search for something, some tangible proof that I am sane.

But the note, the fucking note that was left with the jacket, is gone.

I scour the floor around and in my closet before pulling every item off of my desk. The note is nowhere to be found and I know for a fact that I had kept it.

'_Maybe he came in last night and took it?'_

The hairs on the back of my neck stand up and I find my hands clenching. I search the room to see if anything else is missing but I can't seem to find anything. If I don't leave soon I know I am going to be late to school and there is now no Charlie to call in for me.

Letting out a small scream of frustration, I grab my bag and head for the door.

'_**I know I'm not crazy. I just know it.'**_

The parking lot is packed by the time I arrive, forcing me to park on the farthest end from the school. As I walk past the other students a chill rolls up my spine. I can feel the hairs on my neck stand and I can't help but casually glance over my shoulder. I feel like I am being watched.

And if I am, then that means he knows Charlie is gone, and he is waiting.

As I trudge into the school, I find Alice waiting by my locker her textbooks in hand. I haven't really had time to think about the note, haven't had time to process everything, and from the look on her face I know that she isn't going to take that as an answer.

"Morning Alice," I grumble as I twist and turn the lock to my combination.

"You didn't call last night," she replies, her small smile turning into a frown.

"I had to deal with the whole Charlie thing," I respond, shrugging my shoulders. I can't exactly let her know that my father abandoned me so this seems like the most legitimate response without causing any questions. I know that if this 'friendship' continues that it will become more and more difficult to hide things from her.

'_And you've become so good at hiding.'_

She takes it at face value and nods her head, letting a small sigh escape. "Well did you at least read the letter I left for you?"

There is a commotion behind me and I turn around to see Jessica heading straight for us. Her eyes are slanted and her mouth is set, making her look years older than she actually is. Alice lets out a groan of disapproval and I can't help but smile at the response.

'_She looks pissed.'_

I can feel a presence of fellow students behind me, pressing in on us as if they can feel a fight coming. This mob mentality spreads and soon there are more people in the hallways than in the classrooms. As she comes to a stop in front of Alice and me, two arms wrap around my waist and pull me back.

'_Edward.'_

"Listen here, crazy," Jessica spouts her finger pointed at me in disgust, "that shit you and your little friends pulled at the diner was unacceptable."

There is a murmur, a spread of whispers rising through the crowd. I'm not really sure if it's in response to the fact that Jessica called me crazy or that she in confronting me about something none of them have heard about. Either way she has their attention and she is eating it up.

I so badly want to respond, to say something in defense of myself, but the words are lodged in my throat. Being called crazy brings back so many bad memories, ones that are tainted with fear. I don't like being in crowds, I don't like feeling swarmed, and suddenly I realized that I was surrounded by people.

'_All of whom could close in on you at any moment.'_

I hear Alice spout something back, but the words are fuzzy. Jessica's face gets redder and she is almost smoking from the ears. I feel fingers grip into my hips and pull me tightly against a body. I'm taking deep breaths trying with all my might not to get sucked into a panic attack, or worse pass out.

"You're just bitter because Edward didn't want you," I hear called from the crowd. My eyes scan the area and I see Rose, Emmett, and Jasper grouped together laughing. The jeers and cat calls are getting worse. People want to see a fight and are getting restless that all that is happening is yelling.

'_You need to get out, this is getting ugly quickly.'_

Spurred on by the crowd, Jessica moves closer, her fists clenching and unclenching. Her face is so red that if it wasn't me her anger was directed towards, it would be comical. The arms unlatch from around my waist and there is suddenly a body standing in front of me.

"Not a good idea, Jess." The tone of his voice is gravelly and she looks at him in awe.

"You're standing up for that freak?" she questions, as if it's so unbelievable.

Instead of responding her turns around and looks at me, brushing a few stray hairs out of my eyes. "Yes," he whispers before his voice gets louder, "and she isn't a freak."

'_Woah, now there is a keeper.'_

Edward's fingers linger on my chin for a moment and then he is bending down his eyes searching mine. For once in my life I forget about the crowd around me, forget about the horrible weekend I had, and just appreciate the feeling of being a part of someone else's life.

He leans in slowly his lips meeting mine softly, just barely brushing them. He pulls away to look into my eyes again a sheepish grin on his face before leaning in again. My body suddenly seems alert, on fire, and I wrap my arms around him pulling him closer.

'_**Wrong move, Bella dear.'**_

And with those four simple words, I knew the game had changed.

* * *

**If you haven't checked out my livejournal account head on over there... the link can be found in my profile.**

**Thanks to my beta B for getting this read so quickly!**

**Special thanks to those of you who are reviewing! I love hearing your theories about what is going on and what you think!**

**N**


	11. Breaking Down

"_**I'm the judge and jury  
I'm the lion and the lamb  
This is the beginning of the end  
It's breaking you down  
We're breaking you down."  
Beginning of the End- Guster**_

There is blissfulness in the feeling of knowing someone else wants you. It's a kind of weightlessness that seems to lift you up, brighten your spirit. Add on top of that the fact that I haven't really had any good friends in so many years that I have lost track, and I am literally floating away. I can hear Alice's squeals, hear the shriek of Jessica screaming, and I can clearly hear Emmett's laughter through the crowd.

'_This over alertness is kind of trippy.'_

I try not to let those 4 words flutter back into my conscious, try not to realize the implication of exactly what was being said. Because I know if I do that the happy feeling will be gone and then I will be left an empty shell again.

'_And you will truly be alone again.'_

When our lips part, I find my hand in Edward's and I pull him through the crowd and down the hall. When I finally find an empty classroom, I tug him inside, closing the door shut behind us.

"I have to be honest and tell you something."

'_Don't do it. He is going to think you're nuts. You can't possibly tell him.'_

His brow is knit in concern and I can clearly see the gears turning in his head as he thinks. He opens his mouth as if he is going to speak, before shutting it closed and nodding his head.

"Charlie is gone."

His jaw drops open and if I wasn't so concerned, I would probably be amused by the sight.

"I haven't seen him and I was getting worried." My eyes scan his features, looking at the way his eyes seemed to darken, "I went up to his room and it's completely empty, Edward. All of his stuff is gone, I mean EVERYTHING."

I can hear the panic in my voice and it infuriates me. I wasn't panicking yesterday but I think in a lot of ways the implications of what this means are just now starting to dawn on me.

'_Plus you gave __**him**__ his chance and he didn't take it.'_

I wait and watch Edward's features, willing him to say something, _anything_ to make this sudden fear go away. He is literally speechless, his mouth moving without words. I'm wondering what he is thinking right now. Wondering if he is questioning what it is that I did that pushed Charlie away.

What he says next surprises me though.

"What the hell kind of father do you have?" There is anger in his voice and I note a tinge of resentment as well. "How can he just leave you? Is that even legal?"

I shrug my shoulders not sure if I should explain that it was because of me that Charlie left. He is probably far safer out there without me than he was when he was living with me.

'_Can't blame him for that.'_

But in a lot of ways I can. He is supposed to be taking care of me, of making sure that I am okay. And while he has maintained that job for quite a few years, it has been subpar. Ever since the death of mom, he was constantly drinking and never home. In a lot of ways it was like I've been on my own for all these years.

Edward's face has turned from anger to concern and I feel his hand in mine, tugging me out of the room and down the hall. We walk past my class with Alice and I can see her out of the corner of my eye. Her face goes from ecstatic to concern and then she and Jasper are out in the hallway.

"What's going on?" Alice questions her eyes looking between Edward and me.

"Bella," Edward's fingers squeeze mine gently, "has apparently been abandoned by her father." I don't like the term abandoned and I find myself literally wincing when he speaks it. Alice and Edward seem to communicate silently for a moment before she nods at him.

"I'm going to go call dad," Alice says as she moves quickly down the hallway with Jasper on her heels.

I lean against the lockers, my eyes heavy and tired from the events of the previous night. I hadn't thought much about how little sleep I had gotten but it was starting to affect me. Edward seemed to note my exhaustion because he looked at me with an eyebrow raised.

"I didn't sleep very well last night," I reply to his unspoken question.

'_That's because you waited up all night for nothing.'_

"Of course you didn't," he replies as if it is the most obvious thing in the world.

I know that if I am going to be open with him that I really need to tell him everything. I need to tell him about James and how he killed my mother. I need to tell him that he has been following me for all these years and that he was becoming bolder and that it was starting to scare me. He needed to know, if not for the sake of my sanity, for his own protection.

'_If you tell him, he will think you're crazy.'_

I can feel my nerve wavering. I know what it sounds like. I know that if (when) I tell him that I am going to sound paranoid and I KNOW I'm not.

Alice is running down the hall towards us, and I look around at the deserted hallways. We have all missed most of first period already and I'm starting to debate if I should have even gotten out of bed this morning.

As great as the whole scene in the hallway and the kiss were, I'm exhausted as all get out.

She has this huge grin on her face and she comes to a skidding stop in front of us. Edward sees her smile and seems to relax beside me.

"Dad said its fine."

I'm confused about what they are talking about until Alice is pulling me into a hug, a small laugh bubbling from her lips. "Looks like you are staying with us."

She rambles on about always wanting a sister, but I pretty much space out after the words leave her lips. Can I really put these people that I care about into danger that they don't know about. I'm torn on the inside about what to do. I know that if I am staying with them that I will feel safer.

'_But will the fact that you're moving stop him? It never has before.'_

#

I barely make it through the school day. I'm tired and cranky, I can _hear_ people whispering as I go past them. I know that they are talking about the big scene this morning and about the fact that since that moment either Edward or Alice has been by my side.

I'm not used to all the attention. I'm used to being invisible.

'_Well as invisible as you can be.'_

I can feel the stress building up inside of me just screaming to get out. I feel like I need to be alone, which is something that I never really thought I would say. I'm just so _exhausted._

When I finally make it to the solitude of my truck, I am so relieved and happy to be there that I almost break down in tears.

I blame it on the lack of sleep.

The drive back to my house is fuzzy. I know that in a few hours Edward and Alice will be over and will be helping me move some of my things into one of their guest rooms. I also know that I am going to use those few hours to catch some shut-eye.

At this point, I'm so tired that I don't even care what I take with me.

'_A little sleep will make everything better.'_

It's only when I'm trudging up the sidewalk to my door that I notice something is off. I look around the yard and look at my truck but everything seems to be in place. I can't shake the feeling that something is wrong, though, and find myself hesitating to walk up to the door.

'_Everything looks fine. You're just scared over nothing.'_

I make my way up the steps, stopping to pull my keys out. I push them into the lock, turning them and step into the entryway. The house is quiet and appears to be exactly as I left it. Yet the hairs on the back of my neck are standing on end and I can literally feel a shiver quake through my body.

'_The kiss changed everything. You're not safe anymore.'_

I peek into the living room before making my way down the hallway to my bedroom. The door is open and I can't quite recall if I left it open this morning.

'_You're paranoid and over thinking everything.'_

I study my room before entering, thinking for the first time that day that maybe I was going crazy. My closet is opened and a few items are strewn on the floor, but I clearly remember pulling them out when I was digging for the note, so they don't worry me.

Something is though. Something is nagging at me from the back of my mind and I really can't place what it is.

I close my door and lock it, setting the alarm clock to wake me an hour or so before Edward and Alice are to arrive. I curl up on my bed; my eyes clenched shut, as I listen to the sound of my heart beating in my ears.

'_**You're not safe anymore.'**_

* * *

**_If you haven't yet.. be sure to check out my livejournal account the link is in my profile!_**

**_I've started a new Glee story called Borrowed Time... so if you're a Gleek then head on over and get ta' readin!_**

**_Thanks to my beta B for having this read so quickly and also to jenn9394 and amgrant3 for the reviews! I look forward to hearing what you guys have to say!_**

**_N_**


	12. Memories part 1

**Memories- P.1**

"_The sound tires on my lips  
To fade away into forgetting  
I'm down to a whisper  
In a daydream on a hill  
Shut down to a whisper  
Can you hear me?  
Can you hear me?"  
Whisper- A Fine Frenzy_

I wake up before the alarm with the hairs on the back of my neck standing on edge. I can feel a cool breeze fluttering across my face. My hand reaches up to brush away the strands of hair as they brush against my nose.

And that's when I realize I can _feel a breeze across my face_.

I shoot out of bed, my eyes looking at the dark room around me. Each area of darkness, each shadow that passes across the ceiling and the walls terrifies me. My bedroom window is pried open, the curtains billowing against the breeze that floats through the window.

"_No, no, no. Run, Bella. Run" _

There is an echo of a memory in my mind, shuddering just beyond my comprehension.

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I carefully flick on the lamp next to me. The shadows disappear but the fear remains. My bedroom door is standing open, the wood slowly rocking back and forth from the breeze.

"_Run until you can't run anymore. Then hide."_

Grabbing my phone off my nightstand, I make my way to the window, looking out at the darkening sky above. The air is heavy with the onset of rain, and I grab the sweatshirt off of my desk tugging it over me. My tennis shoes are down the hall, so I grab a random pair of flats that are lying by my bed. I hesitate for just a moment and then jump.

My feet slip and I grab the side of the house to maintain balance, mud caking my jeans.

"_He will find you again, baby. He will. When he does, you don't stay, you run. Run like your life depends on it and don't stop running."_

Small droplets of rain patter against me, making my clothes and hair stick to me. I brush the strands out of my face and stand completely still. I look towards the front of the house, then the back. There is no movement, no sound other than rain hitting the roof.

I turn towards the back.

_There is a scream, echoing off the walls, then the sound of a man yelling._

I pull the hood up over my head, protecting my face from the impending downpour. The water is chilly, each drop cooling my skin but I force myself to keep moving into the alley. There are no lights and each step I take makes a small crunch in the gravel.

I make it half way before everything is lost. Kiki, the neighbor's dog, starts barking and the noise echoes through the area. I find my feet moving faster, my feet skidding on the gravel. I glance behind me, as a strike of lightening lights up the sky.

"_You've poisoned her, Renee. Look what you've done."_

For a moment I stop and stand still, too stunned to move. He's standing in the middle of the alley, just behind our house. His eyes search both directions, scanning through the darkness. And then, he sees me.

His smile is maniacal, an evil laugh bubbles from his lips.

For a moment I stand still, too stunned to move. He is here, he found me.

Then my feet began to move, pounding against the pavement, driving me forward. I can hear the footsteps behind me chasing me, gaining on me. My heart pounds in my ears as my eyes fight to adjust to the darkness around me.

The air is silent, still and unnerving.

"_Our daughter is as fucking crazy as you. It's your entire fucking fault. Are you happy with what you've done, what you've accomplished you stupid bitch?"_

I stumble, my hands scrapping against the concrete. Picking myself up, I force myself to continue. I run passed closed down businesses and empty streets. There is nowhere for me to go, nowhere to hide in this small Podunk town.

The school is to the left, the Piggly Wiggly to the right, and straight ahead are open roads and fields.

_The closet smells like moth balls, old lady perfume, and dust. I have to hold my breath not to sneeze or cough from the stench. My hand is resting over my mouth, my breathing ragged through my nose._

I swerve to the left, jumping over the steps and pulling the large door open. The auditorium is dark, the only light filtering in through the small windows near the ceiling. My breathing comes out in gasps as tears trickle down my cheeks.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. This wasn't supposed to be how it ended.

"_I can promise you, Bella, that no matter what you will not end up like your mother. I won't let you."_

I dig in my pocket, pulling out my cell phone and pressing the one button silently praying for someone to answer. The click of the far door startles me and I curse silently under my breath.

It was too late.

Hunkered in the corner I clenched my eyes shut, fists pressing into the tender skin. I can feel the fear prickle through my body, the hair on my neck standing.

"_You can trust no one, Lamby, remember that. No one will understand."_

"Bella," he calls tauntingly through the room. "Come out; come out, wherever you are."

The bricks of the wall scrape against my back the pain only reminding me of how real this moment actually is. My thoughts race, each whisper rising to a crescendo and blinding me with their intensity.

Suddenly they were screaming of blame, of regret, of despair. I struggled to contain them within me, to stay silent.

'_Your fault.'_

'_He wanted you, not her.'_

'_She would still be here if it wasn't for you.'_

'_Are you proud of yourself?'_

'_This wasn't the way it was supposed to be.'_

'_She's gone forever.'_

A single voice breaks through the silence, speaking so softly for a moment I wasn't sure that I had actually heard it.

"Bella?" it called to me.

I open my eyes and raise my head, looking around for the voice that was calling to me, beckoning me, but all I can see are streaks and blurs. My eyes squint trying to focus on the object in front of me.

The voice spoke again, softly saying my name.

It took only a moment for me to process what the small black blob was and to recognize the voice emanating from it.

"Edward?" I whisper, my eyes scanning the darkness around me.

A sickening chuckle came from somewhere in front of me and I can't help but gasp in fear, the phone all but forgotten.

My memories taunt me and freeze me in place and then, slowly, I forced myself to stand and face him.

"Well this is certainly an interesting turn of events," he sneered.

Pressing my back against the bricks behind me, I steeled myself.

I wasn't going down without a fight.

* * *

**Thanks to those of you who reviewed, alerted, or faved... muah!**

**Sorry this is so short... I've been having computer issues and want to get this up before my computer starts freaking out again... I don't think I've ever hit the save button so many times in my life lol**

**N**


	13. Truth

**_Truth_**

_Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,  
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,  
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,  
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.  
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -  
Only this, and nothing more.'  
The Raven- Edgar Allan Poe_

A sickening chuckle came from somewhere in front of me and I can't help but gasp in fear, the phone all but forgotten.

My memories taunt me and freeze me in place and then, slowly, I forced myself to stand and face him.

"Well this is certainly an interesting turn of events," he sneered.

Pressing my back against the bricks behind me, I steeled myself.

I wasn't going to go down without a fight.

"You're hiding." He taunts, his voice echoing through the room. "Think _little_ lamb. It will come to you."

I'm holding my breath, trying to ignore the sound of my heart rushing through my ears. There is a moment where I remember the phone, realizing that the line was still open. "Edward help me," I whisper.

"Now come, come." James voice becomes louder, "You're smarter than that. I know you've got it all figured out in that pretty little brain of yours. Just SHUT UP and THINK."

"Bella," I hear Edward's voice calling to me but I'm so afraid of moving.

"Let me give you a hint to get you started," James sneers. I can see a bit of movement on the other side of the auditorium, a flash of black passes my vision. "Charlie didn't move here with you, did he? How can a dead man move?"

"_You've poisoned her, Renee. Look what you've done." There is a loud bang, shouting. "Our daughter is as fucking crazy as you. It's your entire fucking fault. Are you happy with what you've done, what you've accomplished you stupid bitch?"_

_The closet smells like moth balls, old lady perfume, and dust. I have to hold my breath not to sneeze or cough from the stench. My hand is resting over my mouth, my breathing ragged through my nose._

"_I can't let you pollute her anymore. She's our daughter, Renee. I won't let you ruin what's left of her." There's another bang. My ears are ringing and I can hear the screaming. I clench my eyes tight, listening to the scuffle. Another bang resounds through the room. _

_Then silence._

_I sit in the closet for hours with tears running down my face. When I finally pull the closet open, the walls are splattered with blood. A scream is bubbling in my throat, and I find myself running to my mom. There is a puddle of blood around her, soaking the sheets and the comforter. My father, Charlie, is slumped at the end of the bed a gun in his shaking hands._

"_It wasn't supposed to be like this," he whispers to me. His hands are shaking as he raises the gun. I clench my eyes shut waiting for the impact. When the bang echoes through the room, I open my eyes letting the screams out. "I'm sorry," he gurgles. "It's for the best."_

"NO," I scream, my head shaking back and forth in horror. "It's not real. You're messing with my head, you're lying to me."

"Think about it, little lamb," he croons and I hear him moving through the darkness, "you know it's real. Charlie never came with you because he killed your mother, then himself. You made up the alcohol problem, the job at the force, all to help you build on this fantasy."

"You're lying. You've been stalking me, leaving me notes, breaking into my house. You've been after me for years."

"Have I?" he hummed, "Where's the proof? Or were you the one who ripped those nails out of your window? Were you the one who stabbed that stuffed lamb? Are you sure it was me?"

"Yes," I yell. "I know it was you."

"Try again." He growls.

_I'm using the hammer to rip the nails from the wood. When the last one tugs free, I rip the window open, my head sticking out into the fresh air. My room was so stuffy, so warm. The breeze feels good on my face and my heated skin. I leave it open and crawl back into bed, back under the covers._

_The breeze helps me sleep._

_I'm holding the lamb in my hand, my eyes filled with tears. I wasn't supposed to be alone. A child is supposed to have parents that take care of them, that make sure they are safe. I grab the knife off the table and stab it into the cloth, relishing in the thunk that resounds through the room._

_I'm not a little lamb anymore. I've got to fend for myself now._

"Stop it," I scream. My hands are grasping at my head, the thoughts tumbling out of me. "Stop messing with my thoughts."

"I'm just showing you what you already know, little lamb." He purrs.

"Don't call me THAT." I yell, my hands fisting at my sides. "I'm not a little lamb anymore. I haven't been since my mother died."

His laughter fills the air, echoing around me.

"What about the notes?" I cry. "The ones you left on my porch and on my car."

"Now," he coos, "are you sure those were from me?"

_I'm walking out the front door, rushing to my truck. I'm going to be late, so I'm in a huge rush. There is a piece of paper under my windshield wiper, the edges fluttering in the wind. I reach over and pull the damp note off, my eyes squinting at the blurred words._

_Bella I will come back – Alice._

_I'm nervous about the locks. I'm making my way to the front door to double check them when I see the security light flick on. I glance out the side of the window as a small car pulls out of the driveway. I found myself unlatching the lock and pulling the door open._

_My jacket was setting on the stoop. A note written on a napkin is lying on top of the material. _

_If souls should only sheen so bright  
In heaven as in e'thly light,  
An' nothen better wer the cease,  
How comely still, in sheape an' feace  
Would many reach thik happy pleace,  
The hopevul souls that in their prime  
Ha' seem'd a-took avore their time  
The young that died in beauty.  
__(The Young That Died In Beauty- Ingeborg Bachmann)_

_Thought you might need this,  
You looked beautiful.  
-Edward_

_I can't help but clench the note to my chest, a smile on my face._

"Bella," Edward calls softly, hesitantly.

"See," James taunts me, "You're scaring him. Stop lying to yourself and face the truth."

The body in front of me moves closer, taking cautious steps towards me.

"Bella," Edward whispers, his voice is shaking as he calls out to me. I find myself bending down, my hands scraping at the floor for my phone.

"Edward," I call softly, "Edward can you hear me?"

"Stop LYING to yourself," James growls. "You're only making it worse in the long run."

"What's going on, Bella?" Edward questions, the concern in his voice palpable.

"He's found me Edward, he's found me." My voice shakes as I let the words tumble from my lips. "He's found me and it's too late."

I slump against the wall as the figure moves closer. My eyes clench tight as I feel the hands wrap around me, pulling me to them. "I've got you, Bella." Edward whispers. "You're safe with me."

I look up into Edward's eyes, my heart dropping into my stomach. There is no other movement, no sounds. The auditorium is empty, except for the two of us.

"I was never real, Bella," James whispers, "I was never really real."

Edward is holding my shaking body close to him, his hands tight around my waist. "What's going on, Bella?" he questions as he pulls back to look into my tear filled eyes. "What's happened?"

* * *

**Sorry this took forever to get out, I know. I had a ton of issues with my computer, got sick, and then finally got up the gumption to get it done. Only a few more chapters left until the end.**

**N**


	14. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

_The sound tires on my lips  
To fade away into forgetting  
I'm down to a whisper  
In a daydream on a hill  
Shut down to a whisper  
Can you hear me  
Can you hear me  
Whisper- A Fine Frenzy_

It's hard to explain what happens in the days that follow but my life becomes a blur of activity; amazingly through it all Edward is there. It isn't until after all the tests are run and my CAT scan results are back that the doctors are able to piece things together.

Even then, it's still guess work.

While the death or my Mother and my Father were real, everything that happened in the aftermath was not. I was suffering from a form of paranoid delusions, at least that's what they seem believe. There is all this documentation that backs their claims, all this paperwork that's hard to understand. When they set the police report in front of me, everything kind of comes back to me.

And even then, it's hard to endure.

Charlie and Mom were fighting. It was something I could clearly remember and also something the neighbors reported in the days after everything had happened. Their fights had been escalating for some time when one of them just snapped.

There was a scuffle and someone grabbed a knife. In the ensuing fight, the knife ended up in Charlie's stomach. They say they're not sure if he bled out or if he died instantly but they tell me it was quick and most likely painless. My Mother, in her grief over what she had done, took the knife to her wrists and ended her life.

It's all so confusing to me, so hard to understand or believe. When I explain that my fear of James came from my Mother and the stories she told me growing up they explained it as a kind of group hysteria. I had loved my Mom so much, was so trusting of what she was saying that in a way her paranoia was taken up by me.

I start meeting with a therapist once a week and each morning I have a small pill that I have to take. I've been living on my own for years, but that doesn't stop Mrs. Cullen from worrying. A week after I'm out of the hospital, I move into their home.

It's an adjustment, but slowly life becomes normal again. I still miss my parents, miss the guidance that I thought they brought to my life, but I quickly learn that I have a new set of people (a new family) that I can rely on. It's nice.

It takes a few weeks for me to get up the courage to go back to school. I'm not sure if it's more worry about what my peers will say or if it's more a fear of falling back into an old pattern. On my first day back Edward holds my hand as we walk through the door and Alice troops along beside us jabbering about some sale going on at the mall.

It feels normal and it's exactly what I need.

I'm not sure how my life would have turned out if I hadn't come in contact with the Cullen's but it's not something that I like to think about. I picture the paranoia I endured; the constant fear that something would happen to me or that he would find me. I read through my old journals, saddened by the scared little girl that I see shining through on each page. I want to burn them, to forget at least for a little while that she existed. Instead I keep them as a reminder of how much things have changed and how bad things could really get. I know I have so much to be thankful for, so much to live for, and I don't have to hide anymore.

Edward leans over and places a small kiss on my forehead, his eyes looking down at the book in front of me with a small smile on his face. There are so many things I still haven't told him and we still have so much more to learn about each other but we've got time. As much as this new relationship excites me, it also scares me. I know now, though, that Edward will be there.

And in the end, that's all that really matters.

* * *

**Short, sweet, and to the point. I want to thank all of you who took the time to read this story (and also for those of you that reviewed). You guys are amazing and I loved hearing everything that you had to say! Your support means a lot :)**

**N**


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